That Summer That Changed Everything
by APKForever
Summary: Gordie is visited by Chris's ghost. Chris's life is fuled only by Gordie's memories of them together. It seems he can't remember things without him. He asks Gordie to tell him the story about his cousin Lennie coming to Castle Rock.
1. Prelude

"Here in this diary,  
I write you visions of my summer.  
It was the best I ever had.  
There were choruses and sing-alongs,  
And not a spoken feeling.  
I'm knowing that right now is all that matters.  
All the nights we stayed up talking  
And listening to 80's songs;  
Quoting lines from all those movies that we love.  
It still brings a smile to my face.  
I guess when it comes down to it...

Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up:  
These are the best days of our lives.  
The only thing that matters  
Is just following your heart  
And eventually you'll finally get it right." - "In This Diary", (The Ataris)

"The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of because words diminish your feelings - words shrink things that seem timeless when they are in your head to no more than living size when they are brought out. I was twelve going on thirteen when I first saw a dead human being. It happened in 1960, a long time ago… although sometimes it doesn't seem that long to me. Espeically on the nights I wake up from dreams where the hail falls into his open eyes.",- Stephen King, "The Body"

* * *

In my dream I sometimes saw a little girl in pig tails and overalls… She'd appeared at the most trivial times. I ignored her sometimes when she wanted to hang out or ask if I was finished writing.  
_"I've been looking for you. Where have you been?"_ She asked. I was silent and just stared out ahead of myself like I was thinking about something but aware that there was really no time to think about it again. It seemed unecessary. Something that I have inevitably misconstrued.

"_Tell Chris the story, Gordie."_ She said when she finally appeared. _"The other one."_

"_I know it means a lot to him if I write it down."_ I finally say. _"But I haven't been able to think of anything… lately. I already went through the story about us finding Ray… I don't know if I can handle anything else."_

"_But this is important to me and to him."_

She called out my name, her voice hoarse and ragged. She was like a ghost in my dreams for so many years, flickering and white and blurred at the edges.  
I expected to see her looking at me, peaking at me through my door or hiding under my bed. Except now all that I see was the sky, hazed with clouds, shooting rays of light down through the blinds.

"The Body," was the first story I wrote about my friends. The first that was ever considered literary. It took me a million years to get it published. But I didn't care. Each word, each thought, each phrase was worth waiting a zillion years to get published. I wrote it after I found out my best friend Chris Chambers had been killed. Perhaps I wrote it for him because the words he always wanted to say where cut short with that knife that was used to stab him and silence him forever.

Its like when we ask If we died tomorrow would our song live on forever? Perhaps, This was Chris's unopened letter to a world that never shall reply.

Forever, that one story was good enough—_important_ enough. I was content with my life. But there is always another story. The idea is there. You think of it, sometimes you try not to. But it's there. It keeps playing like a video over and over and you rewind through the best parts. But you don't write anything down. I was withdrawn from it for a while, I can admit that now.

I was angry with the story not just because I couldn't write it down but because I felt that because of this one particular segment of our lives changed a lot of the way we used to think, the way we used to talk, the way we used to feel.

As I lay in bed, I could feel a hand of indolence reach over my head and pull me down to sleep. It would take me in and I couldn't see or think or know anything else. Except that I was about to start dreaming. And now I would never wake up from my dream. And as I lay here thinking of possible reasons of why, things were starting to change. When your life flashes, it is not a fraction of time, but a moment where everything stops.

And I could see things from a different point of view, where it made more sense. And I could see each and every memory, stretching far out into the horizon.

As time passes it goes on. It never stops. And where I stand now, I could see Mom tucking me in at night, wrapping me up so tightly; I could hardly move. But I felt really safe.

And I saw Dad and Mom both teaching me how to ride my bike down the block and helping me up when I'd fall over. Dad would tell me to get right back on again. Mom would wipe away my tears. Denny would tell me how much better I was getting and in no time I would be riding all by myself. I saw us all sitting around the table playing scrabble on family game night and I remember hanging out at Vern's house while he dug holes in the ground in search of his missing Pennies.

And while I stood in the backyard watching the leaves swaying back and fourth through the wind, I saw my life and realized how it was not that bad compared to how Chris's life was and how everything effected him so emotionally and differently.

But all I wanted to think about at this moment was how Chris, Teddy, Vern and I would swing from this old tire dad tied on the strongest branch and we would lean back as the sun stole looks at us through its leaves and the wind settled on our bones, and the time stayed still. Oh what I would give to be a kid again. Yet this time the tire wasn't old and neither were we. And we spun so fast and high above the world and we could see everything as it lay right from under us.

But now things were different. People change. Best friends could become strangers. And that tire is worn out now and no one sits in it. I don't think I would be able to even if I tried. I don't think the rope would hold anyone up. And perhaps that branch isn't as strong as it used to be.

So maybe I am only imaging it is holding us up. And that we swing from it, slightly and I can hear it creaking as the rope entwines over and over on that branch, (and I tell myself, it is only the wind.) but than as I look, I notice how even in my dream I can feel just how the wind is touching us—moving through, like tiny little fingers.

I'd heard Chris as I lifted my weary head gazing out at the sky from my drawn window, expecting to see my mom looking back in at the far end of the yard folding the laundry after she hung it outside to dry. But I realized that my mother had passed away a long, long time ago and so did Chris. He said the same thing he said 10 years ago—after we found Ray Brower and I cried about Denny. We stood next to eachother for a while.

And I looked at him.

"_I'll see you."_ I say.  
_"Not if I see you first."_

I figured it was time that I got up from bed and make some coffee for myself to wake up.

I was standing in the kitchen, when I heard a familar voice.  
_"Hey, Gordie."_

Chris was sitting in my easy chair and he was holding the .45 he brought along when we went on to search for Ray Brower and almost got me in trouble for it going off by the trash can. I almost dropped all the coffee mate on the counter and floor, but I caught it just in time. I think lately I feel that I have become accustomed to having ghosts in my house. I've being handling his visits a little bit better now.

_"Ummm...Yeah?"_ I finally say after trying to clean up the mess in a few awkward failed attempts.  
_"You always told them better than me."_ He says.  
_"Told what better?"_

_"Stories."_

_"Well which one do you want to hear?"_ I ask.

_"I just want to hear about the one that you won't write down."_ He tells me.

You see… when it came to the disadvantage of the never ending battle with Writer's block, Chris was always there as my muse.


	2. The Summer that Changed Everything

I guess the best place to start is in the beginning. The little girl in my dreams I mentioned to you about was my first cousin. We weren't that much apart in age and I was very close with her. Her name was Lenore but she hated being called that. She settled for Lennie. We always talked about things with Lennie--the kind of talk that seemed important until we discovered girls or until girls discovered how more mature they were than us or how manipulated we could be. But than again it was different with Lennie; she was like one of the guys. And she could pretty much hold her own. She kicked Teddy's ass on numerous occasions. And she even had a few squabbles with Ace and Eyeball, although I hate mentioning either one in any of my stories. Still we watched over her wherever we went—it was just something that guys did. Chris especially took the liberty of acting like her big brother. He felt that it was his right to watch over all of us since he was the oldest. Chris Chambers was the leader of our gang and my best friend. He came from a bad family and everyone just knew, he'd turn out bad--Including Chris. There were times that he got a bit bossy with certain things and with us. That was just his temperament. Lennie was pretty used to it to be exact. She got the same treatment from my brother Denny.

Lennie could be seen out on the deck removing her bicycle helmet, her green-and-purple knit gloves, and the dirt-stained yellow jacket. She held it all with one arm against her body and with her other hand she wrapped her fingers around the handle. I remember the time a few years ago when she glided through my door and tackled my older brother as he shaved in the bathroom._"Lennie, dammit! You almost made me cut myself!" _He gave her a big hug anyway though. _"How are you doing kiddo?"_

_"Pretty good."_

_"Have you written any good stories?"_ He asked her._ "Gordie's been writing too."_

_"Yes I have."_ She said. _"Where's Gordie?"_

_"Lennie!"_ I shouted from my room. I ran out and stumbled down the stairs practically almost knocking my own two front teeth out.

_"Hey Gordo."_ She swings me around. _"You gotta be careful. I don't want to have to play with a cousin with two missing teeth."_

_"I'll try to be more careful."_

_"Hey, you gotta show me your stories. Denny was just telling me all about em."_

_"Maybe you and Gordie can team up and write one together and let me read it." He says._

_"Yeah, that'll be awesome." I say._

I walk down the stairs now and smiled at her.

"Hey Len."

She looked up.

"Hey Gordie."

"I'm sorry about your mom." I told her.  
"Thank you." She says. "Sorry about Denny."

In April my older brother Dennis had been killed in a Jeep accident. Four months had passed but my parents still hadn't been able to put the pieces back together again. It was a really hard time for me. I missed him a lot. It was like he was the only one that took an interest in things I did other than Chris and Len.

"Are you staying for the summer?" I ask her.

"We are not just staying for the Summer. We are going to be living in Castle Rock." My uncle says greeting my mother and I. Not so long after my aunt passed away, they purchased a house. But Lennie didn't actually tell me where they bought the house in her last letter. So it was news to me. She said she wanted to surprise me.

I couldn't wait to tell the guys.

Chris, Vern and Teddy were already in the tree house when I knocked on it.  
"Knock the secret knock." Teddy said.  
"I already did. Open up."  
"It's Gordie. Open it for him." Chris says.

I came up.  
"Hey guys, guess what—Lennie moved to Castle Rock!"

"Your cousin?" Teddy asked.  
"Yeah."  
"Wow that is soo awesome." Vern said.  
"How is your aunt doing? I remember you mentioning to me that she was pretty sick." Chris says.  
"She passed away."  
"Sorry man."  
"It's alright." I say.

My aunt Louise had been stricken with cancer of the liver and although it was surpassed for years—a few months back it had taken a toll on her—the disease famished through her body. Lennie and I used to write a lot of letters back and fourth to each other especially when I went away for summer camp for a few weeks at a time. It was always an interesting time for me there although I really couldn't wait to see Chris, Vern and Teddy.

I always wanted them to go with me but Chris was poor you see and couldn't afford it. Teddy was too crazy and Vern well, he was just too fat. Teddy though made fun of him constantly and said that in order for him to be able to attend my camp, he'd have to start at fat camp first.  
Lennie went to my summer camp a few times with me when we were growing up. It was a lot of fun. But her mother needed her there a lot because she was sick so she was sent there less and less.

"Hey, so you guys mind stopping by her new house?" I ask.  
"No not at all." Chris said.

The guys never minded Lennie. They were always happy to see when she visited and we had a lot of good memories.

Lennie stood in her denim overalls spotted with some paint that she used while helping her father paint over the new house they purchased. Her father sold the house and was offered a better job over here and could afford the old house by the River bend. It was a really nice place up there. A lot of country and there school and church wasn't too far away. I was saddened that my aunt was gone but overjoyed that Lennie was coming to stay in Castle Rock. When Lennie came over towards us she sucker punched us all on the arm. That was her way of saying hello. She took out some gum balls in her pocket and handed them over to Vern.

"Here. I picked these up at the market. I know you like em."

"Thanks Lennie. You're the best."

Teddy looks over at Lennie and took a puff of his cigarette.

"You finally get some boobs over the summer?" He asked her.

"Have your glasses finally grown to match the thickness of your head?" She asked him back.

Teddy for the first time was at a loss of words.

"Zing!" Vern yells out in Teddy's face. "ha! Ha!"

Teddy punched him in the arm and made him drop all of his gumballs.  
"Hey, what did you do that for?"

"You need anyone to show you around Castle Rock, I'm your guy." Chris says.

"Thanks." She tied her hair back with a clip and looked up at her balcony. "Hey, dad you mind if I hang out with Gordie and the guys?" Lennie asks.

"No. Go right ahead. I have the neighbors coming to help fix the place."

"Ok." She turns back to us. "So what is the plan today?"

"I don't know. We might throw horse shoes and go fishing for a little while." I tell her.  
"First we are heading out to the tree house and having a smoke." Chris throws his arm around her shoulder. "I'll teach you the ropes of it."  
"Thanks big brother." She tells him.

Chris put the cigarette in Lennie's mouth. He told her to blow in and breathe out. She started to cough uncontrollably.  
"Breathe through the cigarette." He tells her again.

Teddy laughed. "She's hopeless with her cigarettes."

Chris rubbed her on the back.

"You ok?"

"Yeah."

"Come on Chris. Don't get her hooked. My father will kill me if he finds out I've been letting her smoke." I tell him.

"He won't even know." Chris tells me.

"He'll smell it on her clothes."

"I'm sorry Gordie." Chris said.

I was in my house. And I don't mean my parents. I meant my own house. The house that I barely have enough money to pay the mortgage for because inflation has a way of increasing everything except your salary. I stood up against my wall and grabbed a cigarette out from my box and took a deep breath as I smoked it and looked up at the leaves as they blew back and fourth through the wind. I looked down at the cover of my novel, "The Body," and walked out into the hallway. Chris saw a picture of my cousin on the wall with us. She was standing in overalls next to me and Chris. Teddy and Vern had their arm around her. It seemed like ages ago.

_"I was the one that taught her how to smoke."_ Chris says remembering about Lennie in the treehouse.

_"Yeah."_ I say.

_"I bet she hated me for it."_

_"Nah."_

He watched me as I stood looking at all the portraits I had up on the walls of my family, I thought how unfortunate it was for Chris that he would never know what it was like to hold his first one in his arms.

_"He really looks like you Gordie."_ Chris says about my son.  
_"Really?"_ I ask. _"I always thought he looked more like his mother."_

_"Does he like to write?"_ He asked.

_"Yeah. He wants to be a writer too."_

_"Then he takes after you."_ Chris says.

I nodd and walk into the bathroom and started shaving. The shaving crème was sticking to the razor. I ran it under the water and shook it off. Chris was standing in the bathroom doorway, leaning up against the wall. He watched me as I shaved.

_"Hey Gordie. I have an idea… let's make some music, make some money, find some models for wives. You can write the songs, I'll sing, Teddy will play the guitar and Vern will play the drums."  
_

_"You really think we'll make it and be famous some day?"_ I chuckle.

_"Yeah… why not? This is our decision, to live fast and die young. We've got the vision. Yeah, it's overwhelming, but what else can we do…Get jobs in offices, and wake up for the morning commute? We'll move to NYC, and be rooftop roommates. We can get shit faced and look up at the stars every damn night."_

_"We can forget about our friends and our wives?"_ I ask.

_"Hell, we'll get new ones."_ Chris said. _"The model-type ones with slender legs and perfect bodies. The models will have children, we'll get a divorce and then we'll find some more models. Everything will run it's course."_

_"Sounds like a plan, Chambers."_

_"It is."_

_"So what would we name the band?"_

He thought a moment.

"_Destined To Pretend." _He nodded. _"Yeah."_

_"Why's that?"_ I ask.

_"Because pretending was all that I had."_ He says. _"And all I have now."_

I watched as Chris disappeared down the stairs. I watched him solemnly.

_"Please tell me more about us. I want to remember."_ He looks up to me.


	3. Unraveled

It was a summer like any other summer but also it was completely different. There are moments so trivial that to seem to vanish faster than any thoughts I've ever been disenchanted with. There are moments like these that I wish I could just rewind and stop it from happening. I cannot explain why things happen the way they do… and I can never quite pinpoint when its going to happen. All I can see are the images, being modified on the screen, being shown to the world just how everything is messed up and makes no sense at all. And there is no way to make sense of it but just watch it over and over again.

I tell you this story now, because the memories that I want to be shared, the ones that are inside of me so close seem to fade away. Just like images that passes through me—Like a forgotten photograph. Snap shots that are taken and begin to yellow or start to deteriorate. Fade away. The illusion of a smile and dark set eyes. The dream that you will wake up one day in a better place.

It's a place that you heard about, read about, you know it's preached about, but you haven't found it just yet. And you wonder if it is really there or it's just a made up story to get you through the day. Maybe it is. Maybe it was. Maybe I'll never have the chance to know.

Lennie had been living at her new house for a few days now. We'd always hang out over there. She had a swing set in the front yard. We'd sit in it sometimes and bullshit or play cards. Uncle Bob got a job down at the power mills and was making a lot more money now.

"Make your move, shitty." Chris says to Teddy.

"Bite me." Teddy tells him.

"I think I want to be an acrobatic when I get older." Lennie says when she comes outside. She swings across her monkey bars.

"Big fucking deal." Teddy tells her. "I can do that too."

"I'd like to do that." Vern says.

"You're too fat." Teddy tells him.

Vern didn't seem to care. He knew that one was coming. Teddy was always making fun of him because of his weight.

"You can do anything you want." Lennie tells Vern.

I looked over at Chris for a second remembering last summer when Chris told me that he felt that he was never going to get out of this town. And I told him that he could do anything he wants. And he went on to say something along the lines of, "Yeah, sure." Maybe he couldn't believe it was possible or maybe he really didn't want to get out. I wonder if it's the same for Vern. If he thinks he'll ever be thin or he doesn't care if stays fat for the rest of his life.

I always wondered what Chris was thinking. He wasn't as easy figuring out like an open book. There were many aspects to his personality. Last summer was really the one time he opened up to me and really the first time I saw him cry. It wasn't hard for me to cry over things, especially when it was over Denny. But Chris never seemed to cry about anything. His old man beat up him a lot and he took it.

His older brother Eyeball treated him like shit but he took it. It was things like that that made me feel ashamed to bitch about anything that is going on in my life.

Teddy's father burnt his ear off.

Chris's life revolved around his father and how drunk he was.

Lennie knew nothing about the outside world except taking care of her sick mother and listening to her father bark orders to her day and night. I like my uncle a lot but I know that he has hit Lennie on numerous occasions.

My parents may complain about who I hang out with or pretend that I am the invisible boy ever since Denny passed away but they always treated me well, never really laid a hand on me.

Later that night my parents told me that we were having dinner at Lennie's house. Uncle Bob wanted to introduce us to his soon to be new wife. Neither of any of us knew who this woman was except that her name was Alice and she had an older son. I didn't even know that he was dating anyone. I saw Lennie sitting out on her stoop. She seemed bored, or annoyed or something. She didn't look like she wanted to be there.

"How are things, Lennie?" My mother asked her.

"As good as it could get."

I could tell that something was seriously bothering her. Before I could ask or before she could utter another word—I heard a recognizable voice. It was the kind of voice like scratching nails across a chalk board at school. It made me cringe. I didn't have to turn around. I close my eyes and I imagined holding Chris's gun in my hand. It shot off. But this time it wasn't by the trash can and I was telling Chris that his mother was going to hell for him lying. This was me. I was holding it and I was standing, facing Ace Merrill. I was going to kill him.

"_You're not taking him. An' nobody is taking him."_

_Ace: Come on kid, just give me the gun before you take your foot off. You __ain't got the sack to shoot a woodchuck. _

_Move Ace. I'll kill you I swear to God. _

_Ace: Come on, Lachance, gimme the gun. You must have at least some of your __brother's good sense. _

_Suck my fat one you cheap dime-store hood. _

_Ace: Are you going to shoot us all? _

_No Ace, just you. _

_Ace: We're gonna getcha for this. . We're not gonna forget this if that's what you think. This is big time, baby."_

It was always big time baby when it came to Ace. Ace and his pile of low life hoods.

Billy Tessio. Charlie Hogan. Eyeball Chambers and Vince Desjardins. They thought they owned the world. But they didn't own us or Ray Brower. And they weren't taking him. We found him first.

I turn around and there was Ace standing in front of me. I almost muttered the words, "we found him first." But I stopped myself.

"Lachance, what the hell are you doing here?" He asked me.

"I should ask you the same question. What the hell you doing in my cousin's house?"

Ace almost looked like he was about to throw up.

"You're…, _cousin_?" He stuttered on his words.

"Is there something that you don't understand?" I asked him. "Or has all the drugs finally fried your brain?"

"This can't be. It can't be. This isn't good."

Then I finally realized why Ace was strangling so much on his words. Lennie's new step mom welcomed us in and told us to make ourselves at home and introduced us to her son.

"Jesus." I mutter almost incoherently.

"Oh do you guys know each other?" My uncle asks.

"We're old pals." Ace says.

"Try like very distant acquaintances." I say.

Dinner was extremely awkward. I'd really hate how Christmas would be like here. Uncle Bob was talking about his soon to be son— and all the things he wanted to do for him. Lennie was picking at her food, barely even eating any of it. Ace was putting on a show—talking about me and the gang as if we were pals from way back.

"Dinner is really delicious, mom. You are the best cook." Ace says to his mother.

"Yeah and don't forget to choke." I say to him.

"Your son's not very polite, Mrs. Lachance. Perhaps he really shouldn't hang out with Chris Chambers anymore. I could see where he gets the influence." Ace tells her.

"You are real asshole you know that, Ace?" I say.

"Now Gordon. Don't use that language at the table. Apologize." My mother says.

"I know he didn't mean to insult me Mrs. Lachance. That's why 'm gonna give him the opportunity of taking it back."

"Say your sorry." My mom says.

"Sorry." I gritted my teeth.

"There. Now I feel a whole lot better about this." Ace smiles now over at Lennie. "Hey maybe Lennie could get some cooking tips from my mom and make us some good home cooked meals." Ace says. "I'll be looking forward to it." He winks at her.

Lennie made a face.

"The only food I'd be looking forward in making you is a steamed plate of horse shit."

I laugh.

"Lennie," her father says. "Be polite."

Lennie kicked me in the shin, lightly from under the table. I leaned over to her. She whispered something to me in my ear. Ace gets up from his seat to help his mom straighten up after dinner. There was chocolate shit all over his seat.

We slapped each other five. Teddy came over later on to walk with me to the tree house. He said that Chris and Vern were already waiting there for us.

"Hey Gloria and Theodora." Ace walks over and mocks us. "You better watch what you say around here. I can hear everything. I am like a hawk. And I'd won't be afraid to pounce on you two. Remember…" He winks. "It's big time baby."

"Yeah go piss on a fire hydrant." I tell him.

"And Lenore. I'd be more careful with who you hang around with and what you say…I am not here to make your life miserable but if you push my buttons I just might have to."

She turned away abruptly.

"Ace… if I am going to welcome you into this family you have to learn to call me Lennie."

Teddy watched Ace walk up the steps.

"See you later shit stain."


	4. A Painting of A Short Life

Teddy and I were walking ahead of everyone on the path—until he stopped momentarily and started pointing upward.

"Look up there." Teddy says.  
"What?" I ask.  
"It's a hive." He tells me.

"So what's the big deal? I've seen hives all the time." Chris came up behind us.

"So I want it. That's the big deal."

He took a rock and threw it at it. He didn't see any bees come out. "My father always said if you knock a hive you could see the bees come out. If they don't than that means its dead. Just left over from last year."

"Hey you think if he gets it that there is still honey inside of it?" Vern asked. "Maybe we could eat some."  
"When don't you ever think of food?" I ask.

"I'm gonna climb the tree. And knock it down with my foot."

He started to climb up it.

"Teddy come on get down from there." I tell him. "You are gonna get hurt."  
"Come on Teddy. It's a stupid idea." Chris says.  
"Teddy you are gonna get your stupid ass stung." Lennie says.  
"It's stupid, Teddy." Chris says.

He knocked it a few times.  
"Its fine."

He kicked it. It fell down and smashed along the ground.

We just stood there watching it for a while. Teddy jumped down from the tree and walked over towards it.  
"This is soo awesome." He kicked a few times. Then suddenly the relaxed expression on his face, turned to sheer terror.

"It's alive! Ahhh! Run for your lives!!"

Vern was the first one to scream.

He ran after Teddy.

I yell and ran.

Chris ran after me.

Lennie was standing there still not moving. Chris ran back towards her, grabs her arm and pulls her along.

They ran down the path.

"Quick! Jump in the water!!" Teddy yells.

At that moment we all did as he said and leaped in one after the other.

After we rose to the surface, Teddy laughed hysterically.

"What's so funny?" Chris asked.  
"There was nothing in it. Hhahaha."

Chris dunked him. And then we all took a turn trying to drown him.

It was almost noon when we dried off and walked down the tracks.

We first sung a song.

_All: "Have Gun, Will Travel" reads the card of a man! A knight without armor in a savage land! His fast gun-for-hire heeds the calling wind. A soldier of fortune he's a man called Paladin!  
Teddy: Paladin, Paladin, where do you roam? Paladin, Paladin, far, far from home."_

We went to get some snacks because we all worked up an appetite after running from the lifeless hive. Quidachioluo's was at the end of the little road that goes by the junkyard. We got stuff there the time we went camping to search for the for the missing twelve year old Ray Browers kid. Lennie knew about this because I told her about it in the letter. She asked if she was staying for the summer if they would have included her in with them and I told her yes, because we always included her in everything, even if she was just a girl.

"Come on, man, deal." Chris says while smoking his cigarette. He blew the smoke in the air, trying to make a bull's-eye. Lennie was sitting next to Teddy and was sharing a cherry coke with Vern.

I threw my cards down though. I was still really upset about this whole Ace living in my cousin's house thing.  
"I can't deal, man. I can't concentrate. You imagine having that asshole in my cousin's house or in my family. It's unethical."

Chris picked up the cards and dealt them out for me.

"I have to live with Eyeball. Remember that."

"Relax, Gordie. It's not like Lennie's marrying him. Then he'd be your brother in law." Teddy says.  
"So family wise what does that make you now?" Vern asked.

"A monkeys uncle." Teddy replies on my behalf.

"Basically my life is going to be miserable." I say.

"Well at least you don't have to live with my father and get a hiding every day of the month. It's like he has certain days marked on the calendar when to hide me or when not to hide me." Chris says.

I felt bad that Chris's life revolved around his father's drinking. I don't know if I could put up with loosing Denny and then having my father drink on top of that.  
It's a shame though really that no one understood what Chris was ever going through. I am the only one that has all these stories to tell. But I'm told that I see only what I want to see. I believe only what I want to believe. And maybe in given time, they'll read my words and understand them. But I always say, if you keep telling yourself that it happened, than maybe they'll believe it someday.

"How could you let this happen Lennie? Teddy turned to her now.  
"Me? What did I have to do with this?" She asked.

"If you prevented your mother from dying, than your father wouldn't have to marry that tramp and Ace wouldn't have to be involved in Gordie's life."

Teddy didn't realize how cruel that sounded. Teddy didn't realize how a lot of things he said sounded. Perhaps after his father burnt off his ear, he also took away a bit of his common sense.

Lennie smacked him upside the head.

"What the fuck you do that for you bitch?"

Chris narrowed his eye at him.  
"That's a shitty thing to say that's why."

"You are a bitch."  
"Fag." Lennie says to him. "Your idiot…..loony father should have burned your other ear off!"  
"C RAG!" Teddy yelled in her face. "I hate you. I'll kill you! I'll kill you! You bitch!!"

He was about to tear her throat out. Lennie pushed him away from her but he kept going in her face.

Chris broke them up. He grabbed Teddy from behind and flung him to the side.  
"Teddy quit it!"  
"Did you hear what she said about my old man?!"  
"Who cares what she said! What about what you said about her mother? Does she have to remind you about your old man not being around anymore, huhh?" Chris was in his face.  
"No but… but…"  
"No but nothing. It was a shitty thing to say."

This reminded of what happened Last summer. Chris, Teddy, Vern and I walked to Milo Pressman's junkyard to hang out there and get lunch which I had to pick up. There was a legend about his dog Chopper, which was the most feared and least seen dog in Castle Rock. Legend had it that Milo had trained Chopper not just to sic, but to sic specific parts of the human anatomy. Thus a kid who had illegally scaled the junkyard fence might hear the dread cry: 'Chopper, sic balls!!' After Milo spotted us and sent ran to jump over the fence, Milo recognized who we were. He mocked Teddy and made fun of his father for being a loony. Teddy nearly killed him.

Teddy calmed down and he looked over at Lennie.

"Skin it." Chris told them both of them.

"God Lennie. I am frigging idiot. I am sorry. I wasn't thinking." He says.

She shrugged her shoulders.  
"Its ok."

"Friends?"  
"Sure."

They skinned it.

In addition to the junk yard incident Teddy wanted to do a train dodge, Chris grabbed him off the tracks before he killed himself. Teddy told him that he didn't need a babysitter and went to walk away. Chris wouldn't let Teddy leave without him skinning it. Skinning it or a pinky swear to us was a truce. A promise. It was an unspoken dialect between friends. And it meant a lot. No body was perfect and people accepted that there squabbles with friends were unavoidable, even between the best of friends. But refusing to "skin it," was like you were spitting in that person's face and telling them that the friendship was worthless.

Chris was the one of the most loyalist people and friends that I have ever come to know. Perhaps it must have been the one good trait he inherited from his mother because there was no way that Eyeball or his father possessed any of that—except maybe the fact that Chris's father was loyal to giving a hiding or throwing back a brewsky.

I think if it wasn't for Chris pulling him back all those times, Teddy would have either killed Milo or let a train run him over and ended up like Ray. That was something that I never wanted to think about.

For months my mind was fixated on the stunned look on Ray's face, that pain still evident in his eyes and the way the train knocked him right out of his keds. And you wonder what was he thinking when he couldn't get away from that train. Was he thinking about the things he hadn't seen or done? Was he thinking about all the people that cared about him? Like his mother, his father, his brother and sisters if he had any? Was he thinking about all the lives that would be effected by this tragic moment that was just about to come?

Ray Brower was like a painting that you didn't want to see but couldn't help to look at. The painting of a life that was ended far, far too quickly but meant so many different things to so many different people. It was an image that took years to rub off from my mind. But it took me longer to get the image of Chris dying, even though I wasn't there to see it. I still thought about it. It was kind of like this one time Chris saved Teddy in a tree and he had dreams about it sometimes, except in the dream he always missed him. He just got a couple of his hairs and he watches as he falls further and further out of reach.

This other dream I have, I am outside, looking in at Chris getting stabbed and lying in a pool of blood and all I could do is watch him as he drifts off to sleep.


	5. The Painful Truth

It's important for me to tell that that my cousin Lennie never fussed about the way she looked. I mean, she also never had a person that fussed over the way she looked. She pretty much was raised by my uncle Bob. And Aunt Louise was too sick to make a ruckus over what Lennie wore. But Aunt Louise also was a lot like Lennie when she was younger. She hated dressing up pretty to impress anyone. Lennie had to wear plain clothes because she was busy on the farm helping uncle Bob and cooking for them. She pretty much was in control of the house. She never really had many girlfriends. She said she felt that they talked too much rubbish and it wasn't worth the listen. But I knew that she had a hard time as a kid. The girls used to pick on her at the school. They called her names like "Tomboy Len." And said that she was born a girl but raised as a boy.  
I guess it was kind of hard growing up as a girl and be surrounded by guys. There were always expectations about the way a girl should look or behave or dress.

Lennie had curly hair… it was sort of like Goldilocks but brown. She said it was annoying because it was heavy and it sweated a lot in the sun. So she always pulled it back. She never really combed through her hair, so there were a lot knots and she couldn't use a regular brush because it would just get stuck in it. She washed her hair a lot though. So it always had a flowery scent.

That was one thing that aunt Louise wasn't "laxy-daisy" on. Hygiene was very important. She told her that she cant be going out smelling like a pig and if you are going to be outside a lot working with animals you will always smell like one.

Lennie had a pair of favorite overalls. She liked them a lot because they were good for painting the house or fence, working on the farm or hanging out with us guys. I used to wear overalls a lot too. When we were little and the same height we used to borrow each others. I had a pair of red ones that Lennie used to like to wear in the garden. Teddy always had a green shirt he wore and his father's dog tags, Chris always were a simple white shirt and Vern wore whatever he could fit in.

Today Teddy, Chris, Vern and I sat out on Lennie's swing set in the front yard waiting for her to come out. When she came out of her house, she had on a pair of light pink overalls and pink ribbons tied in her hair. Chris and I both looked at each other and laughed out loud. Teddy laughed like a hyena.

"Shut up." She said.

_"I don't shut up, I grow up. And when I look at you I throw up! Aeoo!"_ Chris, Teddy and I chanted all did together.  
"You look like a girl." Teddy tells her after taking a puff of his cigar.

"That's what I am half wit." She replies.

Vern trying to be nice said he liked how she looked. Her step mother came out on the front step.  
"Don't get too dirty, Lenore." She said.

"OK mom." She yelled over towards the house. She watched as she went back in and shut the door. "This was her idea. Remind me to shoot her later. I feel like a frigging idiot."

"But you are an idiot." Teddy tells her.

"So guys what do you want to do?" Vern asked.

"Nothing legal." Chris says. "Come on let's get out of here."

We all follow Chris out of the yard. There was a long debate on what we should do first because Vern and Teddy couldn't seem to agree on anything but in the end we decided on fishing.

At the lake Lennie was bitching about how annoying her stepmother and Ace were and that she didn't understand why her father had to remarry. All they did was argue anyway about her. Her step-mother didn't want her to have any fun. She wanted her to hang out with girls her own age but girls her own age were boring and talked too much.

Teddy came up behind her.  
He slapped her on the side of her face.  
"Here have some mud."  
"You are gonna regret that move, mister."

"I don't have regrets for anything I do."

She hands her rod to Vern and went to step towards him but then realized what Teddy was standing in. A giant mud bath.

"Oh… I guess you can't get yourself dirty. Oh well." Teddy says.

"Teddy come on. Don't be annoying." I say. "If Lennie gets dirty, than her step mom is going to bitch at us."

"That's too bad." He mocks.

"Sorry Goride, I can't let him get away with slapping dirty grime in my face." She says.

Lennie started undoing her pink overalls.

"I hope you have more than just your underwear on." Chris says.

I laugh.

She did. Lennie was smart you see. She knew if she was gonna be going out with us, she was going to get dirty even if she tried not to. She put on a pair of denim shorts and tank top under the overalls. After she took them off, she hung them on a low branch and then jumped into the mud bath; They wrestled around in it. Teddy then grabbed some more mud and went to throw it towards Lennie. She ducked and it hit Chris in the face.

"Asshole!" Chris yelled out.

"It was an accident." Teddy tells him.

Teddy than hit me with mud in the back.

"Hehehe. But that _wasn't_." He says.

"Teddy, knock it off." I tell him.

He kept on laughing which was making Chris angrier. Chris throws down his rod.

"Alright. You asked for it."

Lennie grabbed mud and threw it at Chris. Chris grabbed a big gulp and smushed it into her face. I jumped in and tackled Teddy. Vern was whining about the rods and fishing by the lake, by himself but after Chris and I threw mud at him he had enough and jumped in.

Afterwards in order to get rid of the evidence, we all decided to jump into the lake on a rope that we fastened months ago. We used to swing on it back and fourth. It was a lot of fun. Lennie at first was hesitant about going in because she thought the water might have been cold.

"So you are gonna put your overalls back on and get them dirty anyway?" I ask her. "That's dumb."

Lennie stood there with her arms folded across her chest.

We were all in the water splashing around.

"Don't be a chicken." Teddy told her. "Even Vern got his fat ass in."

"The water is fine…Lenore." Chris tells her.

"Yeah." I say laughing. "You should come in Lenore."

"Get in the water Lenore." Teddy said.

Even Vern played along.  
"Lenore. Lenore. Lenore."  
"Stop. Don't call me that. I hate it."

Chris says. "If you don't get your ass in here in 2 seconds… we will call you that for the rest of the summer."

She narrowed her eyes.  
"Fine."

She grabbed the the rope and swung herself around and splashed in.

"You almost made all the water come out of the lake, Lenore." Teddy picks on her. She dunked him. Chris grabbed her from behind and tossed her over his shoulder.

The sun reflected along the water's surface, like golden halos. It was really beautiful—almost breathtaking, actually. If I had a snap shot I would have tried to capture the essence of it's beauty. But I'm a writer not a photographer so you'd have to deal with the description of it.

It was like god was there, watching over us. And no matter how much I read or write I don't think I could ever really capture the power of god through images or words. Even if you show proof that it existed—A life better than the one we knew, some people still wouldn't believe it. I mean even I can't believe sometimes that there's a world out there better than this one. I couldn't imagine being anywhere but here in Castle Rock with my favorite people in the world. It's because of them that made this place perfect for me. And if I can't have the people I care the most about in my life or a place like this to live in, than it wouldn't be heaven.

I guess if it's real to you, (Heaven, god and all that) maybe you could make _others_ believe. Maybe that is the magic of it all and in a way, the _reality_.

Lennie sat on a boulder and combed out her hair, while we sat around the lake drying off. I saw how Chris was watching as she combed it out. It was pretty long since the last time I saw her. It looked better when it was wet because sometimes when it dried, if she didn't put anything in it, it could frizz up pretty bad. Chris didn't want to seem that he was staring at her for too long, so he turned to look at me and we talked about something unimportant.

I looked to see if the halos were still visible in the water. But they were gone now. I wanted to ask Chris what he thought about it, but I doubted that he would have seen anything religious or chaste in it, anyway.

We didn't need any towels because it was so hot—the sun dried off any small evidence of water. It would have just been confused as sweat anyway.

Afterwards we walked down the track for a while just bullshiting and what not.

I tell Lennie that she was able to have a good time and still managed to not get dirty. That was a lot to accomplish in a day.

Teddy looked over at Len.  
"But what's that on your pants?"  
"Come on Man… don't play around." Chris says.  
"Yeah."  
"No I'm being serious." Teddy said. "What's that on her pants?"

Chris, Vern and I turn around and look at Lennie standing behind us.  
"Yeah. What is that?" Vern asks.

Lennie looked down at herself and then eyes suddenly filled up with water. She turned around and ran down the track. Chris and I ran after her. Teddy and Vern followed.  
"Len!" We yell out. We couldn't keep up with her though. She was already towards her house and crying at the door. Her step mom was standing there.

"I'm…sorry. I'm sorry. I tried not to get dirty. I don't know what happened."  
"Oh honey. This is not your fault." She pulled her inside the house.

Chris and I looked over at Teddy and Vern and told them to wait there. We walked up to the stoop and knocked on the door. Ace opened it.  
"What do you want?"

Chris snarled at him.  
"We want to see if Lennie is alright."  
"Go on home." He went to shut over the door.  
"Not until you tell us if Lennie is alright, butthead." I tell him.

My uncle told Ace to go to his room.  
"Hey Gordie."  
"Hey uncle Bob." I return.  
"You're here about Lennie aren't you?" He asked.  
"Yeah. What happened to her? Is she sick?"

"Lennie isn't going to feel alright for a few days. She isn't sick but she is going to need some time to rest." He whispered something quietly to Chris and I. "So it would be best if you wait it out. When Lennie is fine she will come look for you guys."  
"We understand." Chris said. I said goodbye to my uncle and we walked over towards Vern and Teddy waiting by the fence.  
"What happened?" Teddy asked. We didn't answer him.

Chris walked down the street and I followed him.  
"Where are you going?" I ask.  
"To the tree house. I want to smoke and play cards. Who's in?"  
Teddy and Vern said they were. I said I was. We all walk along.

Back At the tree house Vern asks "Did Lenore get in trouble for getting mud on her pants?"

"Shut up." Chris said.

"Did it look like mud to you?" I asked. "Mud is brown, moron. What she had on her pants was red."

"Like paint?" Vern asked.

"Vern. Lennie got her period." I tell him.  
"Oh."

Teddy started to laugh hysterically.

"Shut up, Teddy. It isn't funny. And if you make fun of her for this I will give you a black eye." Chris said throwing down his deck of cards.

"Chris I'm really sorry." Teddy said. "I'm not laughing at her. I'm laughing over how ironic that she manages not to get dirty and then this happens."

Chris sort of smirked. He still didn't laugh though.

"Alright. Alright. So we all got to pinky swear never to mention this to her or anyone ever." I said. "We owe this to Lennie."

We all pinky sweared.

Then Vern said.  
"Umm. Gordie." Vern says. "I have a question."  
"Yeah?"  
"What is a period?"

Teddy punched him twice in the arm.  
"Owww." He rubbed it.


	6. The Icing on the Cake

Whenever the gang and I sat in the tree house, we always came up with the best ideas. But this one particular day was harder than usual. "I'm really bored." Vern says. Castle Rock wasn't the Tai Mahal or The Big Apple. But still, I really did love living in this little Oregon town—Despite it only holding 1281 people here (or maybe now 1283 since Lennie and my uncle came to town)— It still was the whole world to me. On the other hand, the phrase, "There was never a dull moment in Castle Rock," was a bit too extreme to use, even for me.

Vern looked really strained as he sat there. He was holding his hands to his head and making murmuring noises.

"What are you doing?" I ask him.

"I'm just thinking. I'm strategizing."

"Strategizing on what, how to grow a brain?" Teddy asks.

Vern looks up.

"Hey, you guys want to go fishing?" He asks.

"Nah." We all say.

"Throw some horseshoes?"

"Nah."

"Play cards?"

"Can't you come up with anything exciting or original?" Teddy asked him.

"What are you talking about? Wasn't it my idea to go camping last year?"

"Yeah." Teddy says. "So what? We are taking about the present, Vern. Not the past. Even Ray would come back from the dead and tell you to your face that you are boring."

"Fine—Well then why don't you come up with something to do since I see you rolling out with so many ideas." Vern tells him.

"I have a good one, why don't we kick Vern out of the tree house and never let him in ever again?"

"Shut up." Vern folds his arms across his chest.

Chris wanted to know what Lennie was up to since she wasn't here with us.

We hadn't seen Lennie or talked to her for a week or so. It felt a bit awkward when we she came out of her house one Saturday afternoon to hang out with us. We didn't mention anything about what happened. I only asked how she felt. I felt that it was my job since I was her cousin. She said she felt better. It was just left as that. After that we walked down the path for a while not talking about much except maybe for a few comments about the weather.

"_You look different."_ Vern says after a long pause. We all stop looked back at Len. I hadn't really noticed until Vern said something, but she did look different.

_"It's my hair."_

_"Yeah its not curly anymore." I say._

_"How did you do that?" Teddy asked._

_"My step mom has this iron that does it. I don't know."_

_"So…is it always straight now?" Vern asks._

_"No. It gets curly again when you wet it."_

_"It really looks nice." I say._

_"Thanks."_

_"Not bad." Teddy says. Vern looked at Chris who was silent._

_"Doesn't Len's hair look good?"_

_"Umm. It's alright." Chris just shrugs. _

Lennie was usually always meeting us here at the tree house, just not today.

"Lennie is having a slumber party." I tell him.

"With girls?" Vern asked.

"No with your grandmother." I reply back. "We weren't invited though."

"We're never invited to anything." Vern sighs.

"Not cool." Chris says and then a look came across his face. I've seen the look before. It was the image whenever someone comes up with the greatest idea in the world. The image usually was accompanied with a tiny light bulb over someone's head in a cartoon or movie. Invisible in real life of course.

"What is it?" I ask.

"I say… we crash it."

I smile at his gesture.

"Yeah."

"That'll be totally unexpected." Teddy says.

"That's the point." Chris tells him.

"I don't know guys. It's kind of mean." Vern says. "Lennie is probably having a good time."

"So what? Does it look like she cares about us having a good time? You see her running over here to invite any of us?"

"I know but it's Still… mean."

"I'm mean." Chris gets up from playing cards.

"We're mean." Teddy says.

"And we're extremely bored." I say following Chris and Teddy.

"I don't know." Vern was still unconvinced. "I don't want Lennie to get mad. It's her b-day. And what if someone recognizes us?"

"No one will _know_." Teddy tells him. "Besides we are going to be disguised."

"I have the black paint." Chris says.

"Denny has some old Indian costumes he used for a school play."

"I have some bow and arrows and nets." Teddy says.

"So let's do it!" Chris looks at Vern. "You in?"

"I don't know." Vern says. "You might have to count me out of this one."

"Come on, Verno." Chris says.

"Lennie has a b-day cake. You can have as many slices as you want if you come with us." I tell him.

"Really? Alright." He finally agrees to the plan. I knew just how to bribe Vern into doing anything. Just offer him food.

Just for the record, the plan was to wait till after dark, sneak in from the back door dressed up in all of our glory, throw nets and things on all the girls, scare them—blind fold Lennie, tie her up and kidnap her. It had to be the greatest, cruelest ideas any kid could ever dream up. And that's why the light bulb was always over Chris's head. The truth was that Chris had the ideas, I just wrote them down and made a story of them later on.

It was after 7 when we were walking towards her house.

"What kind of cake is she having?"

"What does it matter? Cake is cake." I tell him.

"True." He says. "I don't believe I ever met a cake that I didn't like."

"Yeah." Teddy says. "Your stomach is proof enough."

"Shh." Chris says. "I hear someone."

We all inch over toward the windows and peer in. I never saw so many girls in one room before. I felt a little guilty spying on them like this, sort of like the stories you hear older guys go on about taking peeks of girls undressing in the girls locker room after gym glass. It was all locker room talk. I wasn't realy interested in girls at this point. I mean we talked dirty talk like all guys do. It was kind of like a transformation into manhood. I just never had a crush on a girl or felt this dire need to ride a bike past the house of my latest infatuation.

I know that we all want to believe that we have the answers and that one day that person that was perfect for us in return will come to realize how perfect we are for them. We want to all be reflected into the juxtaposition of young love and adult love but I didn't understand it and I didn't want it to change anything. But it is something that is entirely inevitable. It just happens. Like talking dirty talk—even when it just concerns The Mickey Mouse club and discussing how we thought Annette's tits were getting bigger.

I could see Lennie. She was sitting in her father's easy chair. Her head resting on her hand. It looked to me like she wasn't really enjoying herself. The others girls seemed to be gabbing away on unnecessary girl talk. I understood why Lennie really couldn't stand girls her own age and how things that came out of their mouth wasn't worth a listen. But it wasn't really healthy to hang around with guys all the time. Lennie need girlfriends to confide in now that she didn't have her mother to talk to about certain things anymore. Things we didn't understand.

Vern was on the opposite side of the wall, trying to peer in.

"Vern what are you doing?" I ask.

"I see it."

"See what?"

"The cake."

"Get your ass over here before someone hears you. Jesus."

He comes over behind me.

"Ok. When I say. On your mark." Chris starts. "Get ready. Go."

We went through the backdoor but we didn't make our presence known yet. Chris was more interested in listening in on what they were saying. Teddy too. Vern was eating the cake already. He could be such a slob sometimes.

"_Oh he is such a doll. We should have know you were cousins."_

I look over at Chris. Could they be talking about me?

We kind of smile innocently at one another.

"_Yeah everyone loved Denny."_ Some other girl says. _"His girlfriend was soo lucky to date him when she did."_

I sort of shake my head. Yeah that was too good to be true.

"Don't worry." Chris tells me. "They'll come around."

"Yeah maybe when I make my first mill after getting my book published."

Chris walked over towards the fridge and grabbed a bottle of whipped crème. He shook it up.

"Ooh." Vern says. "Good idea. I was just gonna put some on my slice."

"It's for them, fatso." Chris tells him.

"_Hey, Lennie. Would you mind getting us more drinks and more food. We are really hungry."_

_"You want more food?" She asks. "You just ate the whole plate of chicken wings."_

_"We worked up an appetite."_

"Yeah from talking." I mutter.

_"Get us some of your cake your step mom baked for us. I bet it's real good. She probably slaved over the stove for hours, huh?"_

_"It's store bought."_ Abigail says.

_"Oh. Well that's ok."_

_"My real mom used to bake all the time."_ Lennie says.

Lennie got up and walked away. I could see the pain in her eyes. I knew that she didn't want a slumber party at all. The girl talk started in… now that she wasn't in the room anymore, which meant it wasn't all going to be sweet and phony.

"_Poor Lennie. It must be hard to have lost her mother at such a young age."_

"_Yeah."_

"_I think she is soo weird. And look at what she is wearing. I bet she could be a farmer in those clothes."_

"_Be nice, Abby."_

"_Seriously, she dresses like a boy and hangs out with Gordie and his friends all the time fishing at the lake. Does she know the stories being told about Chris Chambers and Teddy Duchamp? It is like she doesn't even want to try to fit in. And I mean who wouldn't want Ace as a step brother. He is _soo_ dreamy."_

The girls sat back and let Abigail talk about Lennie as if she wasn't good enough for her or ever will be good enough for anyone. It wasn't Lennie's fault that the school looked at her as socially undesirable. It was their fault for being so smug and selective. Chris didn't seem to care what they had to say about him but it hurt to hear what they truly thought about us. It wasn't like I liked any of these girls anyway. I never talked to them at school or hung out with them. But still in those first few moments I was actually eager in thinking that they were talking about me and thought I was _actually_ liked, even though it turned out to be my older brother anyway. Now I would care less if they liked me or not. I could never talk to any girl who spoke so lowly about some girl that did nothing to them except for choosing to be different. But I guess it just hurts sometimes hurt that strangers could hate you when they didn't even know you. But Chris would tell me that I shouldn't waste my time with ignorance.

In my opinion they weren't worth to take out, even just for a cheap dollar movie and a drink afterwards.

"Wow this cake is really good." Vern says. "What are you guys doing under the table?" I completely forgot he was sitting there stuffing his face.

"Vern… stop eating it. Lennie is coming in the kitchen."

"Stop being a hog and get your ass under the table." Chris tells him.

"That's if he can even fit." Teddy says.

Vern crawls under. We huddle their trying to be quiet as mice. Lennie strolled in, opened her fridge, got out the iced tea and then slammed the door.

"I can't believe she made me invite these frigging snobs."

She walked over to the table and looked down at the cake and noticed that two slices were missing.

"Jesus, who ate two slices already? Abigail, you couldn't have waited till I brought it out? Pig."

I look at Vern. His face was turning red. I didn't know if it was because he was afraid of getting caught or because he was just about to pass gas.

"Hold it." Chris whispers to him.

"I can't hold it man." Vern whines. "My stomach is killing me."

"Do it." Teddy raises his fist near his face.

As Lennie grabbed the cake and walked to the hallway towards the living room, Vern lets out a giant fart.

We all slid out gagging and choking in the corner.

"Gross!" Chris yells out.

"Jesus. Vern." Teddy covered his face in his arms.

"Guys I'm really sorry."

"That's the last time I am giving you cake." I tell him.

Chris opened a window to air out the kitchen. Teddy and I walked back over to the wall and waited for the go ahead. Vern crawled out from the table and walked over by us.

"Ok… now it's time." He says. "On the Mark. Set…"

We waited.

"GO!!"

We scream. They screamed. There was a whole lot of screaming going down.

Teddy threw the net and captured the frantic girls in green masks. They looked like mutants. I didn't know who was more terrified us or them.

"Oh my hair!"

"Let us go, jerks!!"

"We can't let you go." Chris tells them. "We don't need your kind multiplying and taking over the world."

"Yeah like in invasion of the body snatchers." Vern adds.

"Exactly."

"My father is a lawyer and when he founds out about this—"

--"He'll what?" Chris asks. "Sue us?"

"Have his father call my father." I say. "They'll do lunch."

"This is _appalling_." Another girl said.

"Not as appalling as your face." I tell her.

"Good one Gordo." Chris tells me.

Lennie came back in from the bathroom. She didn't have one of those masks on. Thank god.

"Get her!" Chris and Teddy yell out.

"What the hell?"

She turned the corner.

Chris ran after her.

Teddy ran the other way.

She was cornered.

"Gotcha!" Chris grabs her from the behind. Teddy grabbed her legs. I grabbed her arms. Chris put the blind fold on her. Vern helped tie the rope on her arms and legs.

"Let me go! Let me go!" She yelled out. "If you don't I will yell out the window!" Teddy gagged her mouth.

We ran carrying her in a net all the way down to the lake.

She sat there in the net. She couldn't move anywhere because she was all tied up. We took off her blind fold and gag and all the ropes.

She saw us.

"You got to be kidding me."

We all laugh hysterically.

"You should have seen the look on your face and those stupid bitches with their revitalizing masks on." Chris laughed.

"Oh those were masks? I thought that's what they really look like without makeup." I say.

Chris and I cracked up.

"I can't believe you guys. You are all sick. I'm friends with a bunch of sickos."

"The look on your face was priceless." Teddy tells her.

"Teddy I bet you had a great time thinking of all of this."

"It was Chris's idea." Vern says.

She got up and smacked Chris on the arm. He laughed.

"Happy birthday, Lennie." We all say.

"I don't know if I am happy to see you guys or never want to see you again."

"Where's your sense of adventure?" Chris asks. Before he heads down to the lake he looks at Lennie from over his shoulder. "And by the way, nice p.j.'s."

"Shut up."

_"I don't shut up… I grow up and when I look at you I throw up!"_ We all chanted together. _"Aeoo!"_

"So this is my birthday gift from all of you—get kidnapped by Indians, and dragged out in the middle of nowhere?"

Teddy comes up over to us soaked and wet.

"Yeah well at least you know who your real friends are." He puts his hand on her shoulder as if he was about to have a sentiment moment. He takes the bottle of whipped crème Chris stole from her fridge and squeezes it all over her face.

"You are so infuriating!"

"Hey didn't you know that Infuriating is my middle name?!" Teddy jumps on the rope and swings himself into the lake.

Vern picked up the bottle to finish it off for himself but it was empty.

"God I hate when good things are wasted."

I push him into the lake.


	7. It's The Thought that Counts

Lennie and I walked side by side for a while. She wasn't really that talkative. I asked her about her slumber party and whether she was still mad about what we did. She shrugged her shoulders.

"You didn't seem like you were enjoying yourself much anyway." I say.

"I wasn't. I hate all those girls. They were nasty and rude to me and made fun of me behind my back."

"Then why did you invite them?"

"I didn't want to. It was Ace's mom's idea. And don't think that I didn't invite you on purpose. I was going to. It was just going to be us but my "step mom" thought that I should have girls my age… and technically to her boys shouldn't be invited to slumber parties."

"Your step mom is a bitch."

"Well at least we know where Ace gets it from."

"I guess." I say.

Teddy, Vern, and Chris trotted down the track… singing some tunes from my portable radio—the song The Mystery Train by Elvis Presley was playing. Chris slid backwards towards us and started singing in Lennie's face now. "_Train I ride, sixteen coaches long--Train I ride, sixteen coaches long. Train train, comin' 'round, 'round the bend. Well it took my baby, __but it never will again (no, not again.)"_

"Don't quit your day job." She tells him.

"Hey…" He dances around her. "I'm gonna be a singing sensation. Just you wait, Len. You are gonna pay to see all my shows."

"Yeah." Teddy agrees. "You'll be a groupie."

"Sure thing. Well I'm having another party. This time I am inviting who I _want_." She changed the subject.

"Good." Chris says.

"There's only one condition."

"What's that?" I ask.

"I want to get drunk."

Chris and I both laugh.

"Are you serious?" I ask.

"Yes." She says. "Haven't you ever thought about it?"

"Sure. I just never thought you thought about it."

"I guess that came as a surprise."

"Pretty much." Chris nods.

"Have either one of you ever tried it?"

"I have." Teddy says. We all look at him.

"Really?" I asked him not that I was too surprised. This was Teddy we were talking about.

"Yeah. My old man kept lots of beer in his fridge and coolers around the house. He was usually too drunk sometimes to notice 1 or 2 that were missing. He'd just assume he'd drunken it and forgotten about it."

"I tried it once too." Chris says now. "Except my father was pretty keen on what leaves the cabinet, because of my brothers. He actually marks the a spot on each bottle, so he'll know if someone took a swag or two. He beat the crap out of me when he found out, so you can guess I never tried to sneak any from him again. Sometimes I throw one or two back with my brother. I can tolerate him better when he isn't sober."

"The only thing my dad beat me for was for eating bleach under the kitchen sink."

"Gordie, you rebel." Chris tells me.

"Well, at my b-day party you all have my permission to get very drunk."

"And you gonna have cake too?" Vern asks.

"Of course. I'm baking it."

Beer and cake. It sounded like a party too me.

We decided to go to Vern's house for the party. He was being watched by his grandmother. She fell asleep out on the porch all the time. Vern had beer that his brother Billy got from a party that Eyeball was throwing. We had bottles of scotch, bud light, tequila, jack Daniels, Whiskey you name it. It was an alcoholics paradise. Lennie brought her cake. Chris brought playing cards and cigarettes. I brought some marshmallows to toast outside in the backyard and my portable radio. I couldn't help to think about the time we camped out last summer and how Chris kept telling Vern to turn his marshmallow over because it was gonna fall off and he kept insisting that that was how he liked to do it and then it fell and we laughed at him. And then I remembered how there was nothing like having a smoke after a meal and how Chris found it amusing that Teddy would say "he cherished these moments,"— because it just sounded so corny.

"It's a shame what happened to Ray." Lennie sighs.

"Yeah." I agree.

She wanted to go the place where we found Ray Brower and put something down for him to say that we were there—a respect sort of thing. She was a bit more religious than us. But I understood the meaning behind it.

"I'll take you there sometime." I tell her.

"I'd like to go again." Vern says.

"Me too." Teddy nods.

"We should all go." Chris decided. "And pay respect like Lennie said."

"I dream about Ray sometimes. He's alive in the dream. Well for a little while. He talks to me about things, like how we talk. Normal stuff. And just before I wake up, he dies." I tell them.

"Does he get hit?" Teddy asked.

"No—he just lies down on his back—like he's gonna go to sleep. He has no keds on. The part I remembered the most is how hail starts to fall down into his open eyes."

"Weird." Teddy says.

"I would freak if I had a dream like that." Vern says.

"You want to hear a funny story Lennie?" Teddy asks.

"Sure."

"Gordie. Tell Lennie about the ultimate train dodge."

"Oh guys. Come on." Vern whines.

"Come on Verno. This is priceless. Don't be a _pussy_."

"Fine. Fine."

"Go on Gordo." Teddy insists.

So I started to tell the story how we approach this bridge and no one wanted to cross it expect for Teddy because he thought it was crazy to walk five miles down the river, when Chris suggested to do down to the route-136 bridge. If we did that, it could take till dark. Crossing the bridge would be quicker. Vern said that if a train came there would be no where to go and Chris told him it was a 100 feet.

_"Okay. You guys can go round if you want. I'm crossing here. And while __you guys are dragging your candy-asses half way across the state and __back I'll be waiting for you on the other side, relaxing with my __thoughts." Teddy says. _

_"You use your left hand or your right hand for that?" I ask._

_"You wish."_

Teddy started to cross the bridge. We felt that we had no choice but to follow him. Vern was crawling. I wasn't too far behind him. Teddy and Chris were ahead of us. The comb Vern brought with him fell out of his pocket and into the water.

_"I lost the comb." _

"_Forget it, Vern."_ I say. I placed my hand on the steel, trying to feel if a train was coming. Suddenly I felt the hot medal vibraiting underneath my hand. I jumped up and screamed. It was as almost as if everything was in slow motion. _"Traiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!"_

_"Oh shit."_ Vern looks like he is about to crap himself. He started to crawl along the tracks faster. I get behind him and lift him up and make him run. At one point we had to jump to the side because the train would have hit us and we landed in this thick mound of dirt.

_  
_Chris was laughing now remembering it as he toasted his marshmallow.

"Hey, at least now we knew when the next train was due."

"Yeah." I say.

"Lennie. I just want you to know, that I was not scared for a moment during any of this. They exaggerated." Vern tells her.

"Don't bullshit her Vern. You were bawling." Teddy tells him.

"I never bawled!"

"Yeah." Teddy shakes his head and takes a puff of his cigarette. After that he was showing us how to do Tequila shots with salt and lime. I could feel the alcohol warming my blood. It was such a great feeling. We lay there on our backs looking up at the stars and talked about nothing really important at all—it was _wonderful_.

"Hey, Lennie… there's a million dollar question going around." Chris tells her as he propped himself on his hand.

"What is it?" She asked propping herself on her elbow.

"Mickey's a mouse. Donald's a duck. Pluto's a dog. What's Goofy?"

"That's a dumb question. He's a _dog_." She says with no thought.

"Ok…so Pluto is a dog too." I contradict her. "But he doesn't drive a car or wear a hat or talk."

"Well Goofy is an educated dog." She decided. "He went to a good school."

"Good one, Len." Chris says.

"Yeah I buy that." Vern agrees.

Chris started poking the fire with a stick. He looked back at Vern's grandmother. She was sitting in the rocking chair swing on the porch. Her glasses were slid half way down her face. We all sort of chuckle to ourselves.

"Hey, I almost forgot." I start. I get up and start rummaging through my sleeping bag. I come back and sit next to my cousin. "Here, Lennie. This is from all of us."

"Guys you really didn't have to get me anything." She says.

"We _all_ chipped in." I emphasized.

"We did?" Chris looked at me questionably.

"Yeah… don't you remember? I picked it up the other day."

"Oh. _Oh_. Yeah. I remember now. It must have slipped my mind. Too many shots tonight. Sorry." Chris crossed his arms over his knees. "So go and open it up."

It was a Buddy Holly record.

"Oh wow. Guys this is so awesome. Thanks. This is a record that my mom used to play for me and Gordie when he used to come over. The old record broke." She says. "How did you know?"

"You told me once in a letter." I say.

"Oh yeah. Man I wish I could play it now. Thanks guys. This means a lot." She went around and hugged all of us. "Thanks Chris." She threw her arms around him.

Chris smiled and hugged her back.

"I'm glad you like it."

We all were pretty sick the next day. Well I mean… not, sick sick, but just tired, sluggish, immense headache? You kind of feel like those night creatures that can't go into the sunlight. Vampires. Sometimes I look at Ace Merrill and I think he could be a leader of some gang of vampires that roam the street at night looking for innocent victims. Still we could pretty much function like normal people. Vern on the other hand threw up pretty much all morning.

"Uhhh uhhh. Man. I am never drinking ever again."

We threw out all the evidence before Vern's grandmother saw and told her that he ate a whole cake when she questioned why he was so sick. She didn't put it past him.

I walked Lennie home. She was still so excited about the record and couldn't wait to play it.

Teddy was walking with us for a while but then he said that he had to go home to take a whiz and visit "The Jack."

"Don't you mean the John?" I ask.

"To you it's John. But when you have been drinking the shit as long as I have, it'll be known as jack. Later." He says.

Chris and I walked together for a while.

"Gordie, I want you to know— you didn't have to include me because I didn't have money to chip in for the gift."

"It's alright." I say.

"I wish that I wasn't so goddam poor."

"Stop it. You're not that bad off."

"Yeah." He says sarcastically. "Ok."

"Chris… Neither of us are the Rockefellers—"

"It doesn't matter. I shouldn't get credit for a gift I didn't contribute for. But the fact of the matter is that you didn't even bother to ask me. I guess It was to spare my feelings because you knew the answer would have been that I didn't _have_ it?"

I didn't know what to say.

"Chris… " I felt choked up inside. "Chris. I'm really sorry. I didn't think of it. I- -I. I- -I picked it up at the last minute with Vern and Teddy when we took a walk to the market. You were at the doctor's with your mom."

Chris was quiet. He stared out far into the horizon.

"I'm really sorry Chris." I said again.

"I would have chipped in, if I had it." He took a deep breath and looked back at me.

"I know." I say. "I know."

Chris smiled.

"Lennie really loved it, didn't she?"

"Yeah."

"I bet she is singing along to it right now."

"Yeah."

"Well all that matters is that she is happy." He says. "Come on… let's go." Chris puts his arm around my shoulder and we walk off.


	8. The Difference Now

I was sitting in my bed now recovering from my trip back from nostalgia land. I was a bit dizzy from laughing and crying and remembering the small important details one can easily forget. But it's the details that make a story stand out. We need them in order to hook our readers and have them keep on reading.

_"That was really a good time, wasn't it?"_ Chris asked.

"_Yeah_." I laugh.

_"I still can't believe that "Lennie," was the one that suggested us to get drunk for her birthday."_

_"Yeah."_ I look up at him and looked at his facial expressions, to see if he was showing any other emotions.

_"Chris…?_

_"Yeah, Gordie?"_

_"About the birthday present… I'm really sorry about not asking you first."_

_"Gordie. Don't worry about it. I have no time to hold grudges from the past—especially over something that stupid. I over reacted. And besides you apologized already for it."_

_"I know."_

_"Hey—buddy. Why don't we crack open a bottle now?"_

_"And get drunk?"_

_"Sure. Who is gonna yell at us? Your folks? My folks?"_

_"My wife."_

He laughed.

_"I'll go get it."_

I go down the stairs and get two bottles and I bring them up. I opened both. I handed one to Chris. We toasted.

_"Hey Chris—Don't you wish that Teddy and Vern could be here with us right now?"_

_"All the time. It's not the same with out the whole gang."_ He says. _"But like everyone, they drifted apart. As time went on you saw less and less of them. They just became two more faces in the halls. It happens sometimes. It even happened with us."_

_"But I didn't want it to happen! I didn't want any of this shit to happen. It's bullshit that people have to change and drift apart. It's bull shit that things can't be simple like they used to be. It's bull that I have to wake up from dreams of you covered in blood. Why did you have to die, Chris? Why?"_

Chris was standing there. He couldn't drink anymore. I couldn't either. I was crying in my arms.

"_Gordie…"_

_"No…"_ I sobbed in my arms. _"It shouldn't have ended like this for you or for them. Vern shouldn't have been killed in that hotel fire, Teddy shouldn't have been in that automobile accident, You shouldn't have been in that restaurant. And Denny—Denny should be here still. He should be an uncle to my kids."_

_"Gordie, don't make yourself sick. You cannot change the inevitable."_

_"It still sucks."_

_"Listen, No matter what happened between me and you, between us, Teddy and Vern— or your brother, it cannot change the bond that we once shared or the memories."_ He consoled me.

_"When you find yourself all alone—you can't help to miss people. A lot. I just miss everyone. Sometimes, I say—I even miss Ace."_

_"Damn… You really do miss everyone."_ He joked.

I sort of chuckle and I sit at the end of my bed. I look at Chris. _"Yeah. I saw Ace Merrill the other day too, you know. It's ironic how all my friends are dead but he's still alive."_

"Honey who are you talking to?" My wife came in the house now. She had just gotten home from the supermarket.

"No one." I tell her.

"I'm just writing something."

"Oh a new story?"

"I guess you could call it that."

"I am going to be dropping our sons off at their friends house. They are going to have dinner there. Their mother will drop them off later. I picked you up something from the diner. Just warm it up in the oven when you want it."

"Alright."

"I am going to that Tupperware party my friend set up at her house. If you need anything, just give me a call there." She was in and out in a jiff. I heard the door slam. I watched as she got into her chevy and drove off. Chris was standing on my balcony now. He was smoking a cigarette and inhaled it like the emerald smoke of apathy. He didn't change much in time. He still looked 13 to me. But perhaps that's the how I am supposed to remember him since it was 13 when I knew him best. The only difference now was that Chris sometimes seemed transparent in the sunlight.


	9. The Last Few Days of Summer

"Chris is taking an awfully long time to meet us." Teddy says in front of Lennie's house. "You sure he didn't get hided for the prank we pulled 2 weeks ago?"

"I doubt it." The only people who ended up being grounded was me because I took the rap for the guys and Lennie because she told her stepmother to go to hell. Good thing she didn't find out about our secret drinking party. When Chris finally showed up he was carrying something heavy with him. I ran over to give him a hand.

"What is this?" I ask.

"It's a surprise."

"Can I get a peak at it?" Vern asks.

"No." Chris tells him. "Gordie go get Lennie, why dontcha? She has to open it first."

"Alright."

"What is it?" She asked coming down her front porch.

"I got you something." He told her.

"For what?"

"Your birthday."

"Why? You already chipped in for the record."

Chris looked at me for a second. "Um. I know. But I thought of this after we drank around the fire you know."

Lennie glanced over at me. I told her to open it. We all gathered around as curious as she was and didn't know what to expect.

"It's like a giant rock." Vern finally says. "Great gift, Chris. _Really_." We didn't know if Vern was being sarcastic or being serious.

"Can't you read?" Teddy asked. Teddy bent down and read out the scripture on the stone.

"_Here is where Ray Brower was found.__We didn't know him but knew of him. __Thanks Ray for the best summer __our lives. You will always be missed by __Gordie Lachance, __Chris Chambers, __Teddy DuChamp __& __Lennie Davis, __1960__."_

"Wow. I don't know what to say." Lennie says. The truth was that none of us knew what to say. This beat the record in half.

"How did you get this, Chris?" I asked him. "It's amazing."

"My uncle works for this place that makes tombstones, headstones, things to engrave—stuff like that. He took me on as an apprentice— been teaching me the ropes of it. He's paying 25 cents an hour. It's not much but it'll get me by. I might save for college or something."

"You made this?" Teddy asked.

"Yeah." Chris said. "I thought maybe someday we could camp out again sometime like last year and put it out or something."

This was the greatest gift in the world. It was the thought that counted that made the gift even more wonderful. We all would have went there as soon as we could but unfortunately school was going to be starting up in a few days. I couldn't expect the summer to last forever, although at times I wish it did. The summer was perfect in each and every aspect of it. And I wrote all of it down in my journal, each detail. The minute particulars, Denny told me were the most important, but sometimes they were the hardest things to say.

And the hardest thing for me to say is anything bad about my cousin.

You see things were going to be different now. Lennie was going to be at school with us. And although we always included her in everything we did now, it didn't mean that we were going to include her in "_everything_." I mean we had other guy friends you see. And those guy friends may or might not accept Lennie. And if that is the case we had to keep our eyes on her even more. She may be pretty tough for a girl and can keep herself above water but she is still just a girl. She can't tell anyone about what goes on outside of school.

What me and the guys had was a secret. That's why we built the tree house and that's why we had the secret knock. We didn't want to let insiders in. This was the place where the greatest ideas in the world were created and it could easily fall into the wrong hands if we were too indulgent on who we let in. We all had to pinky swear that what goes on inside the tree house stays there.

Sometimes I think that the only "other," guy I may have let in if he were here was Ray Brower. Although we never talked to him, he just seemed like a really nice guy. And I feel I know him on a personal level. Maybe Ray is like Denny's little brother in heaven, you know—killing time till their friends and family get to finally meet him.

Chris had to promise everyone that he was not to get into anymore fights on school grounds because he was warned that if he got into another one he might have to face the consequences of getting kicked out. Sometimes Chris says he likes school and wants to become something that his father and brother will never have a chance to be, but it was really hard for him. Unforunately barely even a week goes by and Teddy, Chris and Lennie already were in trouble. It wasn't for fighting but it still wasn't a step into the right direction. Teddy and Len were separated from the lunch table for making too much noise. And then they got detention for spooning shots of jello across at each other—which managed to hit the principal just as he was passing by.

I stood outside the hallway waiting for Chris. He had a meeting at the principal's office. I knew this very spot pretty well. Chris taps his pen noisily and impatiently. Principal Katz sets a box of cigarettes in front of him. Chris glances at them but doesn't question whose they were. The principal leans back in his chair.

"A teacher claims you were smoking on school property Saturday night. Lucky for me, I know your locker combination and found _these_."

"I wasn't smoking during school hours."

He didn't look away from him. He held the same solid expression on his face, which meant you can't play this crap over on me anymore bub. Chris bored sits back in his hair.

"So what are you gonna do expel me?"

"Not yet." He put the cigarettes away. "I want you to understand something, school grounds are school grounds, Mr. Chambers. And I can't tell you the same old story about how you are killing your lungs. because I know you won't care about it anyway."

"Listen. Mr. Katz I'm really sorry about all of this. It won't happen again I swear. Please just don't call my mother. I don't need another hiding."

"I doubt that your mother wants me to give her another call today. Especially for expulsion. She has enough problems with that lowlife brother of yours. No I have a very different means of punishment for you. Besides attending all your regular classes, you will help our janitorial staff after school."

"For _pay_?" Chris inquired.

"For the inner satisfaction it brings."

"On Saturday mornings, you will tutor disadvantaged students at our sister school. And finally, you will participate in the drama club's final event."

"The spring play? You gotta be joking."

"It's time for you to start experiencing other things. Start spending time with other kinds of people." Mr. Katz says.

Out in the hallway.

"Did you get in trouble, like detention, or something?" Vern follows me and Chris down.

"Worse." I say.

"_Expelled_?"

"I sort of wish I was." Chris tells him.

"What the hell did he do?"

"I am being forced to clean the school, tutor a stupid kid and act in the school play."

"That sucks balls." I tell him.

"Oooh…" Teddy snuck up behind Vern and Chris and gave them both wet willies.

"Goddamit it Teddy."

He laughed.

"So Chris. I heard you got caught, buddy boy. Not a good stepping stone in the right direction. So when you start having to clean up the school with ole janitor Bill—are you going to mop the floor or just give it a good sweep?" He kept laughing about it. Make sure you learn the trade well. It might be your only break."

"Shut up, Teddy." I tell him. "Throwing jello at Principal Katz doesn't sound any better."

"No he's right. If I don't straighten my ass up now. I am going to end up a janitor, but I guess that's all I can do."

"Chris, that's not true. You told me about working for your uncle, remember? That is always an option and you can save up for college. Chris, you are not going to be cleaning the school for the rest of your life."

He shrugged his shoulders.

"How's Lennie doing?" He asked.

"I think she's doing ok in her classes. I only have her in a few." I say.

"I have her in my home mec class." Vern says. "Ooh we made brownies today. The teacher put these little M&M's on them. It was soo good."

"Do you have her in any classes?" I asked Chris.

"No." Chris didn't look to happy about it. "As matter of fact I barely have classes with any of you guys."

I realized that too. So far the only place I had Chris was Study hall, lunch and gym.

"What a shitty year this is turning out to be."


	10. Ghost Town

A bus drives along a pretty much deserted road. It stops in front of a one-story building and opens its doors. Chris gets out and walks into the building. He wandered through the hallway looking for an escape route. If only he could give up smoking. He wouldn't have been in this mess. But there was nothing like a smoke after a good meal. He was sure Mr. Katz would understand that. I mean he caught him on numerous occasions smoking in the faculty lounge or outside by his car. Isn't that considered smoking on school grounds? It was funny whenever you brought up this smoking point to an adult and they had no real answer, they'd reply how they are an adult and they can smoke if they want to. If you are an adult, than you should be able to come up with a better excuse. And especially being a teacher—teachers are supposed to set examples for the students, not invent rules that they feel they are above to follow. It was a double standard.

But a lot of things at that school were and there were times he felt he didn't need any of it, but he has heard too many times before, even by me. "A life without knowledge is like a fish on dry land. You don't go anywhere."

It wasn't like he didn't try, though. All of his assignments were handed in and never once did he make a copy of someone else's homework and put his name on it. It was Eyeball Chambers and Charlie Hogan that were always caught doing this or cheating off one another. Not that I understood why, neither one knew the answers, so what was the point if they were just going to get an "F," anyway. At least take the "F," with dignity.

"It's so absurd that I have to be here on a Saturday." He mutters under his breath.

Only moments before he was sleeping in bed where he had a prominent vision of his mother crouched over him saying, _"Get up, Chris."_

"_There's no school, mom. Leave me alone. It's a Saturday. Make Eyeball take out the garbage."_ He rolls over on his stomach.

"_Tutoring."_ She replies coolly.

"This is ridiculous." He shakes his head and follows the other willing partakers. Attempting to play tutor, Chris takes a mathematics text book, a pen and sets it in the margin. The student clearly looks bored."Okay, let's try this again." Chris says. He pulls the book closer to his student and points at something on the page, asking: "Which of these are similar triangles? This one or that one, huh?"

No reply. The bored kid taps his pencil, annoyed.

"What do you think?"

The boy stands up and gripes:

"Man, I think this is _bullshit_!"

He walks out of the classroom. Chris looked up at the ceiling and takes the deepest of breaths.

"That makes two of us." He closes over his book.

"So how was your first day of tutoring?" Lennie asks in her swing.

"Don't ask."

"It couldn't have been that bad." I say.

"I feel like such a hypocrite trying to teach someone something that I don't even understand myself. What rocket scientist decided that I would be good at teaching anything for goddsakes?"

"You could teach a kid how to smoke a pack of cigarettes faster than anyone I know." Vern tries to lighten the situation.

"Good Vern. That makes me feel a whole lot better."

"Vern don't be an idiot." Teddy tells him.

"What?" He shrugs. "I was just trying to help."

"This can't be my punishment. It's the kid's--I mean he is gonna end up failing the test, because he has an idiot for a tutor."

"Chris, don't say that." I tell him.

"And who knows what I am gonna do about this play bullshit. I have no inclination to act. I might as well not even show up."

"So don't show up." Teddy says.

"Yeah… well punishment for not showing up is getting suspension or expelled. Look at the mess I already got myself in? I rather just be hided by my father than to have to suffer another day tutoring some dumb kid or cleaning the frigging school."

"I hear you."

The following morning at school, I walked with Vern and Teddy and joined Chris in the hallway during a break before classes started. He was standing with a bunch of other guys bullshiting and what not against the lockers. Lennie walked up to us.

"Hey, Chris." She gives him her salutation.

"Yeah—hi." He says. He leaned up against the wall with his arms folded up against his chest.

"See you later." She walks off.

"Yeah." He nods.

She walks around the corner. One of the guys turns his attention to Chris.

"You two going out?"

"No way, man." Chris laughs.

"You think she's cute?"

"Pllllease." He puts his hands in his pockets. "I mean she might not be my type, but I'm sure she'd be some what tolerable to some other guy. Well maybe if she puts a bag over her face."

Teddy laughs.

"Man, that's mean." He says.

"I'm only joking." Chris tells him.

"You've dated anyone?" Another inquires.

"Sure. I dated a lot of girls. I've been around the block."

Vern and I glance to our right. We saw from the expression on Lennie's face that she heard everything that Chris said. She was gone before he noticed she was there.

We all had a partake in it occasionally to look good in front of the guys, kind of like when I talked about the transformation when we snuck into Lennie's slumber party and how guys have "locker room," talk and it was nothing serious. But to a girl it was the world. Whether she liked Chris at all or just as a friend, it was still betrayal. Remember how I felt when those girls at Lennie's party made fun of me? I barely even knew any of those girls.

I could only imagine how Lennie felt. I don't know if her feelings were actually hurt but I know if a friend of mine said something like that when my back was turned, I wouldn't be too happy about it. Lennie wasn't that bad. I mean she was a tom boy but she wasn't ugly or anything like that. True she didn't dress up or wear her hair down a lot or wear make up, but I liked that she didn't. I didn't like girls that were too made up anyways. It looked overdone.

But this was what I meant in the beginning about how things were going to be different in school than it would have been back at the tree house and it was something that Lennie had to live with.

We always had The St Anthony's feast in Castle Rock in the beginning of September. It was a fair with rides, food, haunted houses, games ect. The streets were closed for miles. There was always something so infinite about being able to run throughout a street in the middle of the night and not be questioned by some authority figure or run over. It was just something about the atmosphere. We were all keyed up about going to it for weeks. It was all we could talk about. Well maybe it was all that Vern could talk about because of the food. Chris and I wanted to go on the roller coasters. Teddy wanted to go into the Haunted House and then scare other people that sat behind him.

We arrived at Lenneis a quarter to 1. She came down her front steps.

"Hi, Lennie." Chris says.

She smiled big and walked right past him and stood next to me, Vern and Teddy. "Hey, _guys_."

She threw her arm around Vern's shoulder. We started to walk. Chris followed us.

"So you hyped up for the fair?" Chris asked Lennie.

Lennie shrugged.

"Yeah I have been dreaming about this fair for a week." Teddy says.

"Boy they sure have good cotton candy." Vern sighs.

"You've been to a lot?" Lennie asked Vern.

"Sure." Chris answers for him. Lennie looked at him and then turned back to Vern and Teddy and preceded to have a conversation. When Chris asked her a question or tried to join in on the conversation or brought something up that happened to him that day or week or month, she just nodded but didn't inquire anymore about it.

"I was thinking that another weekend, we could all go over to The Back Harlow road and put Ray's stone down." Chris says.

She shrugged again.

"Ok." I say. "That sounds like a good idea Chris."

Whenever he suggested anything they could do, she just gave one worded responses if a question pertained to her or just shrugged. It didn't answer yes or no or a maybe so it was just left floating in the air.

Chris looked confused most of the night. He knew that there was something erratic about her behavior but he couldn't bring himself to ask her what was wrong. But it seemed like he kept making the situation worse for insisting to ask her questions that she didn't feel like answering. Chris put his hands in his pockets and just walked along side of them. He finally gave up on suggesting anything.

We went on a lot of rides and played a lot of games. Teddy went on the Haunted House ride twice. Vern wouldn't go on it because he thought he would have nightmares. Teddy said he was a baby. I threw some balls at an old man to watch him fall into the water. Chris won a blue bear. He asked if Lennie wanted it, but she said that she didn't like bears.

"All girls like them." I tell her.

"Well I'm not like other girls obviously."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Chris asks.

"Nothing."

"Don't you have a bear collection?" Vern asked now.

"NO." She gave him a look from the corner of her eye.

"Lennie. I've been in your room. I've seen them." I tell her.

"Well then I have too _many_."

She turns to Vern.

"Hey come with me to get cotton candy. My treat."

"Ok." He says.

Chris hands me the bear and stood between Lennie and Vern.

"Lennie, what's gotten into you _tonight_?" He asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You barely said 2 words to me all afternoon and you are jumping all over everything I say. What the hell did I do to you?"

"Maybe she has Pms." Teddy adds.

"Shut up, Teddy." She tells him and then walks off and goes to sit on a bench by herself. I told Chris I would talk to her.

"Lennie, are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you mad at Chris over what he said in the hallway?" I asked.

"Should I be?"

"Listen Lennie you know Chris is your friend and he wouldn't say something like that to hurt you intentionally. It was a joke. I mean why would he go out of his way to make you the stone or stop all those fights between you and Teddy or stand up for all the time just to throw it all away by being a jerk in the hallway?"

"Well he should have thought of that before he opened his mouth."

"Lennie." I say. "You need to tell Chris that what he said hurt you, skin it and then move on with your lives."

"Fine."

I signal Chris to come over. He came. Lennie stood up from the bench and faced us.

"Lennie has something to say." I tell him.

"So?" Chris says. "What's up?"

"Um. I am really not feeling so well. I am gonna go back home. I'm sorry. Goodnight." She turned and walked away.

I came back into the present and sat at my desk looking through an old journal of mine.

Chris told me once,

"You can either coast along on neutral and be cool for the rest of your life and never experience true bliss or suffering, or you can take the soaring highs and bitters lows, and have everything affect you and break your heart or grant you joy. To some it's an option to just coast and they'll take it but unfortunately it is a damn lousy one. Neutral no real feeling, neither high nor lows. It's nice enough if you've never really felt much, but when you put it alongside love and life, it's a poor, poor substitute. How can you go through life without feeling anything real? It is up to you to take your chances."

When Chris talked to me in that tone, he always referred to me and my writing and how my father always put me down and I took it. Chris wanted to be my father I think. And although I got annoyed with his bossiness and occasional lectures, I knew he was right and deep down I knew that he would make a really, really great father some day too. Too bad that chance never arrived.

I read that St Anthony's was having another feast this year. I haven't been there in years. I remember this one time I decided to ride there with my son on our bikes we got for Christmas, but we were unfortunately too late. And I realized at that moment how there was nothing more desolate than to ride through a fair that was over.

The silence was deafening, the debris, paper wrappers and half eaten articles of food littered the streets. I rode my bike around and around all the debris, that shuffled the pavement. I ended up riding over a bottle cap and flew off my bike. I scrapped the bottom of my elbow and my knee.

My son stopped ahead of me and looked over his shoulder.

"_Dad you alright?"_

"_Yeah."_

After I got up and wiped the powdered sugar off my legs, most likely left from a zeppelie of some sort, I walked for a little bit until I saw A blue bear lay on it's side, left behind for me to find in the solidity of this now ghost town. It made me feel a bit sad to see it. I didn't know why.

I bent down and picked it up. But I didn't take it with me. I just put it someplace safe. I didn't want my son seeing me take home a stuffed bear. He was too old for things like that anyways. Plus it was embarrassing enough falling off your bike in front of your son.

I put the newspaper down on my coffee table forgetting about the fair. I don't think it would have been the same without them— Vern, Chris or Teddy. Even with the music and the lights and the deep fried zeppilies covered in powdered sugar. It would still feel like you are trying to find happiness in a crowded room and realizing that you are only a stranger that everyone is too afraid to talk to.


	11. Tiny Vessels

Teddy and Chris met up one day at Teddy's house to recite lines. He thought it would have been easier to read with friends instead of strangers he didn't know. Chris told me that he went to the audition and he had to read out in front of a bunch of snot nosed prep kids. The teacher actually had the nerve to ask if, "he was trying to be bad at it." Chris said, "No. It just comes naturally."

"Alright." Teddy thumbed through is booklet that Chris gave him. He reads his line flatly. Chris took a puff of his cigarette and blew out the smoke in the air. He put it down next to him on the front step and stood there along the banister. Teddy still reading worse than Chris did at the audition—turned another page.

_"Did you know that we would have fallen in love when we bumped arms in the alley, or did you think it was just a coincidence?" Chris asked him._

_'Nothing's coincidence, baby.' _

He shuts his book and looks deeply into Chris's eyes.

_'You know you're the only one that can make me say….'_

Teddy then preceded to flip on his back and hump the air.

"Yeah _Baby_! Mrs. O'Rourke you are gonna put Teddy Duchamp in all your plays, ain't that right bitch??" He mimics the teacher's voice as he was lying down on his back. _"Oooh yeah Teddy, I'm gonna put you in all my plays!!."_

"Come on, man. Come on." Chris says.

Teddy sits there laughing.

"Do you know I got 3 weeks to memorize this stuff?" Chris sits down on Teddy's porch and rubs the sleepiness from his eyes. He placed the spring play's booklet between him and Teddy.

"Listen, Chris--Newman couldn't even make this shit work." Teddy tells him.

"Look, I didn't write it, okay?"

"No, but you're the one who's gonna make a jackass out of himself in front of the whole school."

"I don't have a choice." Chris shakes his head disappointed in himself.

Teddy places a hand on Chris's shoulder.

"You know I'm just bustin' on you, right? I'm gonna be there opening night, front row, and you could count on it. With tomatoes."

"Thanks, man." Chris smiles.

"No problem."

Vern and I walked into Teddy's front yard now.

"So how is the acting going?" I ask.

"It's great." Teddy tells me. "I think Chris is on his way to the red carpet. His next gig will be the Mickey Mouse club."

"So I can feel up Annette's tits." Chris jokes.

Vern walks over and picks up the booklet next to Chris on the porch step.

"Is this the script?"

Vern started reading it. I looked over his shoulder.

"Oh, my gosh... Does this suck?!" I say.

"Tell me about it."

"Too bad they didn't pick Gordie to write the play. I bet it would have been better than this crap." Vern says.

"I don't know, Vern. I am not that good at it. You're my only critics anyway, so I don't know if that counts for much."

"No Vern is right." Teddy says. "It would be awesome. You could make a play about _Lardass_ and he can throw up all over himself and then the audience will throw up all over on themselves. It would be a Broadway hit!"

We all laugh.

"Yeah. That would be pretty awesome." Vern says.

Teddy's mom was making lunch and asked if we wanted to join her. Vern was the first one in the door. Chris and I walked in the house together.

"Gordie, do you know anyone that's good at all of this acting stuff?"

"Well, I know Lennie is taking theater. Maybe she can help you."

Chris took a deep breath.

I knew that he and Lennie still weren't on speaking terms. He told me a couple of days ago that he went over there to see how she was doing. She shut the door in his face. Chris still is oblivious to why Lennie is even mad at him in the first place. I thought about telling him about the incident in the hallway, but Lennie told me not to mention it to him.

"Yeah that's a long shot. She's barely talking to me."

"She'll get over it. And it can't hurt to ask. Do you want me to ask her for you?"

"Nah--it's alright." Chris says. "Don't worry about it."

Chris walked down the block. He had his bag over his shoulder and a blue booklet in his hand. He stopped by the chain linked fence and hooked his fingers through them. Lennie was sitting in her swing, looking at her feet. She looked up and noticed Chris standing there. He opened the gate and walked in. Chris put his bag on the top of the slide.

"If you are looking for Gordie, he isn't here."

"Why would I go to your house if I am looking for Gordie?" Chris asked.

She shrugged her shoulders. He walked behind her and started to push her on the swing.

"So how have you been?" He asked.

"Fine. So what do you want?" She asks placing her feet along the ground so Chris couldn't push her anymore.

"I uh…" He was hesitant for a moment. "Well I thought we could run lines together or something. It's embarrassing running lines with Teddy and he makes a joke out of everything anyway."

Lennie swung herself out of the swing and landed on her two feet.

"He makes an ugly girl you mean?" She asked.

"Pretty much."

"Well I don't know how much help I can be. I mean according to you, I'm not your type. You just might have to put a bag over my face and pretend I'm someone else."

Chris realized why Lennie was upset with him.

"So this is what you're so pissed over?" Chris ran a hand through his hair. He walked around the swing set. "Lennie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to overhear that. But you have to understand that when I'm with the guys at school things are going to be different. You can't be offended by what they think."

"It's not about what they think, Chris. You're the one that said it."

"Lennie, please don't take it the wrong way." Chris tells her. "I said I wasn't interested in being your boyfriend. I never said I wasn't interested in being your friend. I wouldn't know the first thing about being someone's boyfriend anyway."

"And apparently you don't know the first thing about being someone's friend either." She tells him. She goes to walk away. She reached the front porch.

"Lennie, pleasse." Chris pleaded with her. "Don't just turn away like this." He followed her.

She faced him on the front step.

"Just make sure when you talk smut about me to your friends I'm not there to hear it."

"Skin it." He tells her.

"And you can do me a favor, if you are going to act—save it for your audience."

_"Skin it."_ He tells her again.

She took a deep breath.

"Fine."

She puts her hand out.

"So are you going to help me?" He asked.

"I guess." She said. "Just let me tell my father before I invite you in."

"Alright." Chris says and he sits down on the swing. "I'll wait here."

Lennie's father slams the refrigerator door and walks over to the sink.

"I don't want him here. Chris Chambers is dangerous and a bully. I don't mind you hanging out with Gordie and his friends. I let you. but there is no reason for you and Chris to be hanging out by yourself."

"Daddy, I am only helping him with his lines for the school play."

"Yeah and Gordie's father told me why he was chosen for it in the first place."

"You know, I -- I thought we had discussed that I was gonna be able to decide how I wanted to spend my time in my life."

"Well, it's him I don't trust, not you."

"Daddy, please." Lennie pleaded with him.

"Fine. I'll be right in my office if you need anything. Any crap goes on that I don't like, he is out of here."

Chris is sitting there still on the swing. His play booklet is folded in the front pocket of his pants.

The front door creaks open. Lennie sticks her head out.

"Hi." She says.

"So, you gonna keep me out here all afternoon or what?" He asked jokingly.

"Come on in." Lennie smiles.

The two bump arms as he enters. "Sorry." Chris mumbles. Lennie shuts the door.

"You brought an extra booklet, didn't you?" Lennie asks.

"Yeah it's in my back pack."

"I'm gonna straighten my room real quick." She says running up the stairs. "Make yourself at home."

"Oh hello Chris." Ace's mother greets him.

"Hello." Chris tries to be polite. "It's nice to meet you."

"Would you like anything to eat or drink? I just made fresh lemonade and cookies."

"Thanks. I'll have some." He follows her and sits at the kitchen table. Ace and Eyeball walk up from the basement. Eyeball smiles at his brother, salutes him and then exits the front door behind Ace. Chris looked at the ground uncomfortably. Alice hands Chris a plate of home made cookies and a glass of lemonade.

"Thanks." He smiles.

Lennie's father walks in now from his office.  
"Hello, Mr. Chambers. I'm Lennie's father. We've haven't actually been introduced before haven't we?" He asked. Chris stood up and shook his hand.

"Not personally, no."

"I understand you've managed to win the lead in the school play. Congratulations."

"Listen, thanks for letting me come over and run lines with Lennie." Chris tells him.

"I didn't let you."

"Oh." Chris thumbs his fingers on the table.

"I'll be right in my office if you need anything." He points and dissappers around the corner.

Lennie comes down the steps.

"Ready?"

"Yeah. Let's go."

He drank the rest of the lemonade but left the plate of cookies. He suddenly didn't have much of an appetite anymore.

It turned out that Chris was turned down for the part anyway. The theater teacher had a rehearsal. Chris recited his lines and she said that she couldn't have him make a mockery of his play. It wasn't that Lennie didn't help him or anything like that. Acting just wasn't his area. So the part was handed over to this football player Buddy.

"So what does this mean?"

"It means you're not in the play." A girl told him. "Go home."

"Listen, I don't care that I'm not in the play or anything like that. I know I can't act for shit. But it's not that I didn't try. If I go home, Mr. Katz will think that I Fuc-- (pardon) my French messed up on purpose."

"Mr. Chambers it's not our problem that you were caught smoking. Please exist the auditorium." The teacher tells him.

Lennie was sitting in the in the auditorium as well. She stood up.

"But Mrs. O'Rourke. There has to be something for Chris to do. I mean… don't we need someone to give out costumes or programs or something?"

Mrs. O'Rourke thought a moment.

"Well, that's true. Fine Mr. Chambers. We can always use some help with straightening out back and you can give out programs on the day of the play. That should count for something." She rose her nose at him.

"Thank you."

I sort of felt bad for Chris. It must have sucked trying to appear so desperate to these people who obviously didn't care about him or want him in the play. He said that he didn't care about it though. It was fake.

"Yeah this whole thing is bullshit." Chris says leaning up against the wall. "This whole acting thing. If I'm not getting paid for it, then I don't give a shit, not that I'd be that good at it anyway."

"Well you tried your best." Lennie says.

"So I guess I won't need any tomatoes." Teddy replies.

"Well not for me… but I sure like to see Buddy Calhoun hit with a few on the way out."


	12. Broken Bottles

Lennie walked out of her house one afternoon and climbed onto her bicycle. She put on her helmet and then ventured out of her yard. She rode all the way to Vern's house and knocked on his front door. Mrs. Tessio opened it.

"Hi, can Vern come out?"

"Sure, come in."

Vern is coming down the stairs.

"Hi Lennie."

"Hi, wanna ride bikes?" She asked him.

"Sure."

"Ohh, did you make your bed?" Vern's mother turns towards him.

"Yes."

"You're sure?"

"It's made, mom."

"Come here, you've got some chocolate on your chin."

Mrs. Tessio spit on her hand and wipes his face.

"Gross, mom." Vern says and pushes her hand away. He says goodbye and they walk outside.

"You want to hang out with the guys later too?"

"Nah, they are all too busy." She tells him. Just as she gets to her bike, and Vern comes up behind her. She tells him that she was going to run away to California to be an actress.

"Can I come?" Vern asked.

"For a little while, but then you have to go back. You have people that would actually worry about your whereabouts."

"Well if we are running away, even for a little while we should stop by the market and pick up some things to eat on the way… you know, incase you get hungry."

"Ok."

They rode their bikes for what it seemed to be like an hour, but then Vern stops and skids to the side. He drops his bike and starts walking away and sits down by the river bank. Lennie follows him.

"Get up." She demands.

"I'm tired of running away. Besides, we past this place two times already. We're not getting anywhere."

Lennie sits down next to Vern and sighs.

"Why are you running away anyways?" He asked her.

"Because I can't stand that my father got remarried."

"But now you have a new mom."

"I don't like her. She's a fake. She wants me to be someone else. She invites girls I hate to my birthday party. And last week, when Chris came over, she acts so nice to him and gives him lemonade and cookies and then after he leaves she talks crap about him to my father."

"I know you don't like her because of the situation with Ace but the few times I've met her, I thought she was ok."

"Vern, that's because she gave you free cookies."

"I guess." He shrugs.

"God, my father likes her better than he does me."

"I'm sorry but shouldn't you have discussed this over with Gordie and Chris, maybe they'd like to tag along?"

"No way." Lennie says. "And you can't tell them. They won't let me make it past Mr. Johnson's mailbox."

"Alright, alright. I won't tell them." Vern says. "I just don't think traveling by yourself is a good idea."

"Well you are with me now."

"Yeah but for only half way, that's _nothing_."

"Well can you just at least stay here with me until dark, then I'll go home?"

"Ok."

They sat in a tree above the lake, letting the cool breeze touch their face gently. Vern didn't have a watch on but he knew that dinner was probably going to be ready soon because his stomach was growling.

"Lennie, it's getting late. I have to go. I'm gonna miss dinner."

"Then go home, sissy." She looked annoyed.

"I have to. I'm _starving_. You can come over my house for dinner if you want. I mean you should eat something before you head out to California."

"No it's alright. I'm staying here. Go without me."

"Alright."

He jumps down from the tree.

"Well bye."

"Bye." She tells him and watches as he gets on his bike and rides away.

After a few moments Lennie wiped her tears, jumped down from the tree and walked her bike back to her house.

Back in my neck of the woods, it really wasn't turning out to be a good year at all. Not only do we barely have any classes together, the majority of my friends are all caught up with after school activities, except for me. Teddy took up wrestling, Chris is stuck cleaning the school, tutoring on Saturdays and being the gofer for the janitorial department— hell even Vern had his own clique nowadays. I don't really know what their purpose is, but any club that accepts in Vern must be pretty lame or desperate, so I decided that it wasn't for me.

My mother asked what the others were up to since it seemed like I was home more lately studying, writing or listening to my radio.

"Oh I dunno. Just busy I guess." I say at the kitchen table. We were getting ready to eat dinner.

"Why don't you join something with one of your friends? Teddy is in wrestling, isn't he?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sure they'll take you."

"I don't like playing sports." I tell her.

My mother walked around the table and dropped a heaping of mashed potatoes on my father's plate. "Yeah—we already know that." My father joins in our conversation. "If you were into football like your brother, you'd have a better social life, and wouldn't waste time scribbling in your journal all day."

I thought about last summer and how Chris told me that my father didn't care about me. He cared only about Denny and football. I didn't want to believe it but I knew he was right. I look at my father.

"Well Chris and Denny think I'm gonna make a great writer some day."

My mother smiled at me.

"I'm sure you will, honey." She touched the side of my face and gave me some mashed potatoes. "You make sure you dedicate your first book to Denny. I'm sure he'll like that."

I smile.

My father sat back in his chair watching the both of us. He didn't say much of anything, but I knew it was coming. Perhaps if I just left it as Denny pushing me to write more, he would have left it alone. But I had to include Chris.

"I don't know why you waste time listening to anything that Chambers kid says anyway."

"Because he's my friend." I tell him.

"Friend." He laughs. "He is a low-life and a thief."

I jump up from my seat.

"Leave Chris alone! He's my best friend and he cares more about me than you do!"

"Honey, calm down." My mother says anxiously.

"Gordon." My father says sternly. "Sit down and eat."

"No! You only care about football and Denny. You always cared more about Denny than you did me."

"Gordon, that is not true."

"Yes it is. Don't you remember what you said, Dad—at Denny's funeral? You said, _"it should have been you, Gordie."_

"What?" My mother looked at my father like he had two heads.

"Gordon I never said such a thing. I don't know where you got this idea in your head. It's blasphemy. I always treated you and Denny as equals!" He was standing up from his seat.

We were facing each other.

"If so, then why do you always talk about Denny and football or ask me why I couldn't have more friends like his? How is that treating me equal, when you are always comparing me to him?"

"You are only 12 years old, Gordie. You don't know anything."

"I'm going to be 13 in three weeks dad, and I know plenty of things. You wished that I was dead, not Denny!" I yell in his face.

"Honey please—calm down." My mother was about to cry. "Please."

I couldn't stop though.

"He hates me! My father hates me! I'm no gooood!"

My father marched over towards me and slaps me hard across the face."Gordon, _snap_ out of it!"

I held my cheek and ran towards my bedroom. And there I cried. I felt the tears that were once bottled up inside of me come undone, as if that bottle burst with the contents that it no longer could retain.

I close my eyes, forcing the flush from my face to disappear.


	13. A Twist of Fate

Chris was tired. It was 9:30 at night. He just got done cleaning up the hallways. His muscles ached all over from pushing the vacuum and mop all over the floor. The only thing nice was the breeze in the air. It softly caressed his face. He walked on with his bag lugged over one shoulder and saw a distant figure standing by a cemetery gate. He walked past and noticed that it was Lennie. She opened the gate and walked in holding a flashlight, beaming it down a path. He decided to follow.

"Hey."

She turned around to face him.

"What are you doing?" He asked. "You can get in trouble for being here this late."

"Yeah? What does it matter though anyway? I get in trouble for everything. I can't do anything right ,"_Oh, Lennie you are soo thoughtless. Oh Lennie you lost your head again." _She mocked whoever was making her so miserable. "Vern doesn't think there is anything wrong with her as long as he gets his share of cookies."

"What are you talking about?"

"My stepmother. My new extended family. Who _else_?"

She climbed a hill—he followed. She sat next to a tombstone and held her arms under her legs. She pressed her knees to her chest. Chris looked at the name. It read: _Louise Miller. Loving Mother, sister—friend._

"Is this your mom?"

"No. They just share the first name. My mom was laid to rest in my town. I stumbled onto this by accident one day while passing through. I come here to talk to her sometimes to ask her to pass on messages to my mom, until I am old enough to travel there by myself. But I plan on going there sooner than you think, because I'm running away and going to live in California."

He looked at her.

"Lennie, I know you don't like the situation here, but you can't run away."

"Why not?"

"Because you are just a kid."

"Thanks Dad."

"I wish I were your dad you wouldn't be talking about running away if I were."

"I'll manage."

"Whose gonna look after you?"

"I can take care of myself."

"Maybe when you are 18. But you're only 12 years old.

"I'm 13."

"Yeah ok, that makes a big difference."

"Well if you are so concerned about me going there by myself, then why don't you come along? I mean you hate your family too. Eyeball is an idiot and you father always beats you."

"Believe me Lennie, I'd love to go to California. But I'm just a kid too. And we'd both need a job there which we won't get."

"I don't care if I have one or not. I'd rather be homeless than to live with them."

"You are talking crap now."

"So what, it's not like anyone would care when I'm _gone_."

"That's not true. The guys would care! You think I would bother to follow you here if I wasn't your friend or I didn't care about you?"

Lennie started to wipe tears from her eyes.

"Our families sure suck don't they?" Chris sighed. He put his arm over her shoulder. "Come here." She started to cry on his arm. "You've been through a lot." He held her tighter. "Listen, things will get better. You have to be stronger than them. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right?"

She wiped her eyes again and nodded.

"Yeah."

"Ok." He smiled her and let her wipe the tears in her eyes on the sleeves of his shirt.

Teddy and Vern were out at night walking.

"She won't get as far as Virginia I bet." Teddy says. "And you—maybe if you are lucky you'd make it to the Back Harlow Road by yourself. You're too fat to make it another state."

"Jeeze. Lennie must really have it bad over there."

"She has her panties in a knot because of her father marrying Ace's mother, that's all."

"Well wouldn't you?"

"I'm not pussy enough to run away, though." Teddy says. "Hey listen." Teddy smacks Vern against the shoulder.

"What?" He stops.

They were just about to reach my fence when they heard muttering and swearing up ahead.

"Dammit!" I fly down the stairs and kick a metal can across the yard. "Dammit! Dammit!" The can flew past Teddy's head. He ducked.

"Shit, where the hell did that come from?"

"Gordie kicked it." He points.

"Gordie you alright?" Teddy asked him.

I was crying in the nook of my arm. I ran past them. They followed. Chris got up from where he was sitting. He turned towards Lennie.

"We should head back. The gatekeeper is probably making his rounds or something."

"Alright." Lennie placed her hands on her thighs and then stood up and stretched. She went to walk towards him but accidentally trips over a small white stone and ends up in his arms.

"Ooh!"

Chris caught her just in time before she toppled over.

"You alright?" He asked.

"Um. Yeah. Thanks." She awkwardly takes a step back. "Yeah I'd be wonderful actress in California wouldn't I? I can't even walk straight."

"Well you're not going, so you won't have to worry about tripping in front of anyone… well not till you are allowed to vote at least."

She laughs.

Vern and Teddy stopped by me by the cemetery. My back was away from them. I was shaking.

"Gordie, what happened?" Teddy asked.

"My dad hit me, that's what happened! Jesus, he's never hit me before except for the time I ate bleach under the sink. Everyone got along better when Denny was alive, now my father can barely stand me." I was stuttering. "I wish I were dead."

"Gordie." Vern says. "Come on, it's gonna be alright."

"Yeah." Teddy tells him. "Just come back to my house for a little while so your old man could cool off. Then you can go back home."

"No. I'm running away!"

"Not you _too_." Vern sighs.

I climb over the cemetery gate. Teddy went after me. Vern couldn't climb over, so he just took the easy way by opening the gate and closing it.

"Guys wait up!"

He looked around. He was spooked.

"Gordie, couldn't you have just ran away to Teddy's house? Cemeteries give me the creeps."

Teddy jumped down from the tree and scared the shit out of him.

"Yah!"

Vern flinched.

"Don't _do_ that!" He gritted his teeth.

Teddy punched him in the arm twice.

"Two for flinching."

"Where did Gordie go?" Vern asked him.

"How the hell should I know? I was waiting for your fat ass and then I lost him."

"Well you better find him. He could fall into a man whole or something and end up into a rotten corpse with maggots crawling out of his eye sockets."

"Shut up Vern."

Lennie and Chris started to head out. When Lennie stopped and looked to her left, Chris asked what was wrong.

"I hear someone crying."

They both walked around this monument and peaked around the corner.

"Gordie?" Lennie looked surprised.

"Gordie are you alright?" Chris ran over toward him.

I wipe my eyes. I was coughing really loud and wiping snot from my nose.

"I'd offer you are handkerchief but the only thing I have is my sleeve." Chris said.

"I already wiped my nose on my own sneeze." I tell him.

"What happened?"

I stood up from the ground.

"I told my father at the dinner table that he cared about Denny more than he did me and he hit me."

"Damn. That's pretty rough."

"It's true though. He'd deny it until it's blue in the face. But it's true. All of it."

"Gordie. You don't need him. He doesn't care about you. We care about you. Your mother cares about you. Don't listen to anything that bastard tells you ever."

We could hear Teddy and Vern mumbling in the distance.

"_I hear someone. We should go."_ Vern says.

"_Don't be a baby."_ Teddy tells him. _"We have to see that Gordie is alright first and then you can go back home to play with your dolls."_

They walk around the bend and stop right in front of us.

"See was that so hard?"

"Gordie are you still running away?" Vern asked. "Because I can't handle having you and Lennie both going away to California."

I looked at my cousin.

"What were you planning on doing in California?"

"Nothing." Lennie says. "I don't want to go there anymore. Chris talked me out of it."

"Oh." I say.

Chris leaned up against the monument's wall and folded his arms across his chest.

"I found out which teacher ratted me out for smoking. It was the same bitch that used the milk money I tried to give back for her stupid skirt. God, I hate her."

"Maybe you should take your cigarette and burn a hole through it." I tell him.

"Yeah." Lennie agrees. "Maybe she is hoping for a raise, so that way she won't have to steal the milk money for new clothes."

Chris laughed.

"Good one, Len."

"I had a shitty day too." Teddy says. "I got kicked out of wrestling for hitting Milo's idiotic son for saying my dad was crazy."

"So that's why he had that black eye." Chris understands now. "Good shiner."

"How was your club today?" I ask Vern.

"Not that great." Vern starts. "I go there to meet up with the moderator and it ended up being canceled."

"Not enough desperate participants?" Chris asked. He and Lennie both chuckled.

"Who _knows_…" He sighs. "I guess the whole idea of having a club solely dedicated to the wonderment of Pennies is only appealing to me."

"So that means that you were the moderator." Teddy says and laughs at him.

"Well Vern maybe when you find your pennies under your porch, you'll have enough money to pay for members." I tell him.

"I guess."

"So in some sort of twist of fate, you're saying we've all managed to arrive here at the same time, the same place, all having shitty days? Let's say we chill at the tree house, have a few smokes then call it a night?" Teddy offers.

"Not a bad idea." Chris says.

And that was how we all managed to get together. Lennie and I wanted to run away from our lives because they are unsatisfying, Teddy couldn't stand when people ranked on his old man, Chris never had a break at school, and Vern couldn't seem to find clubs that actually stayed together. It didn't really matter all that much though, you see. The only thing that we needed was each other. And it didn't matter if there wasn't enough people to join our club.

It only needed the five of us.


	14. The Scattered Notebook

Chris first spotted the notebook as we were walking along the side walk. It was a an oversized green binder. There was a trail of loose papers all over the place, pages and pages just blowing through the wind. He stopped down to pick one up and looked at it.

"Whose is it?" I asked. At first we couldn't make out the name. But then Vern recognized the hand writing.

"It's Lennie's I think. And that's her notebook." Vern said that she always takes it with her to write in. Her name was on the front of it. So that crossed out the owner. We looked around for her.

"Guys. I got a real bad feeling about this." I say.

"Me too."

Chris and I both felt that something was obviously wrong. We shared feeling's like these sometimes. It's like a gut feeling. And they always say to follow it.

"Wasn't she supposed to meet us here?" Teddy asked.

"Yeah." Chris tells him. "Which is weird. Why would she leave her note book all lying about like this?"

A waitress came out of the shop.

"Are you boys looking for a young girl?"

"Yeah." Chris said. "Do you know where she went?"

She came in here and got a frosty drink. There were some guys bothering her outside. And she ran off."

"In which direction?" I ask.

"Down that way."

We started running down the path.

Vern kept pointing out more papers. Teddy looked down and said that he saw spots of blood. My heart was pounding as I kept running faster and faster.

I started yelling out her name.

"Lennie! Lennie!"

We all started to yell it out.

Chris saw a shack. He ran over toward it.

"Chris wait for me!" I yell back. We all stood outside it for while.

Chris was trying to pry open the door. It seemed to be stuck.

"I can't open it. It's stuck."

"Look! I've got an idea." Teddy says. We all turn around and look at him. "Why don't we just pour chocolate all over the door and let Vern eat his way through?"

"Okay Teddy, that's all I can stand. And I can't stand no more!"He went to lunge after him but he jumped out of the way just in time and Vern broke through the door.

"Shit!" He said as he slid across the splintered floor.

"Thanks, Vern" Teddy says.

We walk in.

"Lennie?" I call out her name. I look around. The place was really dirty and dusty. There were so many cob webs all over the place. I kept pushing them away.

"LOOk!" Vern yells. "Over there. Over _there_!"

We saw the body of an shrunken girl curled over on her side.

Chris ran over toward her.

"Jesus." He mutters and bent over her beaten body.

"Is she… is she dead?" Vern asked.

"I… I… don't know." I said chocking up. "Chris…" I call out his name.

Chris touched her arm and moved some hair from off her face. There was bruises all over her. Her face was barely recognizable.

"Lennie. Lennie. Lennie." I head him mutter over and over. "Who would… who would…Why would anyone do this to you?"

He jumped up and started pounding the wall. He punched his hand all the way through it. When he pulled it back out, it was bleeding.

"Chris." I ran over toward him. Teddy came too.

"Fuck!Fuck!Fuck!Fuck!Fuck!Fuck!Fuck!" He slunk down against the wall and pressed his face into his hands. "Why? Why? I'll kill them! Kill them."

"Chris are you alright? Your _hand_."

"Just let me bleed to death.."

"Chris no. We have to get someone. Get help."

"Lennie is dead, because I wasn't strong enough to watch over her."

Vern was kneeling by her.

"She's moving!"

Chris pushed me and Teddy out of the way and ran over to her.

She was whimpering.

"Mmm…mmm. Mmmm."

"She's alive. But barely. Come on Gordie. Come with me. We are gonna get someone. Vern and Teddy stay here."

Ace didn't work too far from where we were. He was the closest one at the time. Chris barged in with me through the door.

"Ace!" We yelled out his name.

He looked over at us.

"Something happened to Lennie."

Ace put on his coat and told us to get in the car.

"We found her in here." I pointed.

He drove over to the shack and got out.

He walked in.

"Jesus Christ."

He walked over and touched her neck. She had a pulse and was breathing. Teddy and Vern stood there unable to move.

"Lennie." Ace called out her name. "You are gonna be alright. Your friends are here and me."

She started to blink her eyes. But she couldn't open them up because they were too swollen and it must have really hurt to move them.

"Can you talk, a little for me?" Ace asked her.

"Chris… Chris." She whispered out his name. Chris knelt by her and looked over at me.

"I'm here." He says.

Gordie?" She said our names. "Ace?" She started whimpering again.

"Yeah. We are all here." I say.

"Lennie… can you tell me who did this to you? Do you remember?" Ace asked now.

She kept going in and out of consciousness. Chris kneeled down closer to her mouth when she tried to repeat the words we were dreading to hear.

"_Eyeball."_

Chris got up and started to retreat backwards. He looked over at me. I saw the fury burning in his eyes. He made a fist. "I'm gonna. I'm gonna fuckin kill him."

Ace called for an ambulance and called up Lennie's father to tell him that she was at the hospital. We waited there till they arrived. After they came and left, Ace turned towards the four of us said that we were going to make a stop at the house to get 5 bats.

"What are the bats for?" Teddy asked.

"We are gonna pay Eyeball a little visit."

Ace came out the front door pushing Eyeball in the back. He came tumbling down the stairs.

"You tell me that you didn't go up to Lennie Davis. You tell me you didn't lay a hand on her!"

"I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything! What are you _talking_ about?"

He hit Eyeball in the back of the leg with the steel bat.

"Shit!" Eyeball grabs at the back of his leg and topples over.

Chris and I swung at him too with our bats. He went to go after us. Teddy smashed his right index finger.

"Shit. I bet that hurts!" He said. "Now you know what Lennie is feeling."

Vern feeling more courageous with his steel stepped up to the plate and swung at him too.

"Take that you coward!"

"Dammnit!! I am going to smash all of your skulls in!"

Ace stepped then onto his back.

"You are going to smash my skull in? You are going to smash my skull in?"

"Noo. NOo. Ace. Please."

"Vern you little son of a whore go on home!" His brother yelled out from the back.

"Go and make me!" Vern yells.

He went to walk over but Ace smashed him on the side of his face. "Billy stay the fuck out of it."

Billy stood next to Charlie and Jack. Eyeball was brought to his knees.

"Chris go a head."

Chris took a step forward and braised his knuckles across his brother's face. Teddy took his turn. Vern threw dirt in his face and I hit him in his jaw. I think this was the first time I ever hit someone bigger than me. I think this was the first time I hit anyone in Ace's gang and not be hammered by one of his goons. They all stood back and watched. They couldn't do anything.

"Spill." Ace tells him.

"I just wanted to talk to her. She didn't want to talk to me. That's it."

"Well if talking to you resulted in a concussion and 50 stitches, I wouldn't want to talk to you neither."

"She has a concussion?" Billy looked nervous.

"A girl is almost dead because of you."

"I didn't touch her. I swear Ace. She opened the door when we were driving and fell out of the car and then down a hill. "

"Yeah. We'll believe that when Pigs fly."

"He really didn't, Ace. You got to believe him." Charlie started in now. "He just talked to her."

"Shut up, Charlie."

"What did the hell did you need to talk to her for anyway?" Chris asked.

"She took a hat… it belonged to me. She gave it to Gordie for his birthday. I asked for her to get it back. She said no. She said you gave it to her." He directs to Ace. "I told her she was lying."

"It was my hat in the first place." I say. "You stole it from me!"

"I bet you told Lennie about that hat, didn't you? Cried all over about how your brother gave it to you and you put her up to it?"

"I didn't say anything!"

A few days ago it was my 13th birthday. I had a party at my house. I had a bunch of family members here, including Lennie and the gang. It was the first time—I think that everyone was together and my father wasn't usually barking orders or telling me how much he can't stand my friends. I think he still felt bad over the incident that happened a few weeks ago during dinner. He apologized for it and said that he was sorry for always making me feel like he was constantly comparing me to Denny. He just missed him a lot. I could buy that. We all did. We had the party outside, catered food, cake—the works. I opened up everyone's presents, including ones from my parents, and aunts and uncles.

The last present was unmarked.

_"Whose it from?" Chris asked._

_"I don't know." I say._

I start to open it and then I yanked it out in a flash.

_"It's my Yankee cap!" I shriek and put it on my head._

_"That's the one that your brother gave you?" Teddy questioned._

_"Yeah… it is."_

_"How do you know?" Lennie asked curiously._

_"It has his signature under the cap part, right here." I show her. _

_"Ohh."_

_"Just last summer Chris and I were walking into town and…. … Ace and Eyeball came out from one of the markets were bothering us as normal—they uh."_

I paused and then looked at Chris. He nodded as that he understood. I didn't want to go into it anymore in respect to Chris. He knew that his brother was no good and the fact that he was related to him made him look bad. He always felt bad that his brother stole my cap from me because it meant a lot.

_"Well what happened?" Lennie insisted._

_"Nothing." I tell her. "They were just being pains in the asses."_

_"So how do you think the cap ended up here?"_ Vern asked which was a question we were all thinking about. I mean… according to Chris, Eyeball still had the hat and he had told him that if he tried to get it back for me, he would have made sure that he would never able to see his unborn children and he actually broke Chris's right arm just to prove his point. I told Chris the hat meant a lot, but his friendship meant more.

No one knew how the hat ended up at my house.

Either someone was playing a joke or Eyeball actually matured a bit and realized that he didn't need or want the hat anymore. Well no matter what the situation was, this hat was never going to leave my room. I was sure to that. I'd go and buy a safe and keep it locked up just to make sure.

"That is a lie!!" I shouted at Eyeball. "I remember that day clearly. Lennie didn't know who left the hat there. It was unmarked."

Charlie and Billy looked at each other and then fessed up.

"Listen Eyeball. It was a joke. We left that hat there for Gordie before the party started and when you asked who took it we said it was Lennie. She didn't know it belonged to you. She had nothing to do with it."

"What?" Eyeball looked over at them. "I don't believe this."

"That's the dumbest thing I ever heard." Ace says. Ace swung his bat and hit Charlie and Billy. "I could kill all of you! I can't believe this all over a fucking hat! And I can't believe you left here there. She could have died if the boys didn't find her in time."

He kicked Eyeball in the back and started to pound on him.

"This is my sister!"

"I didn't touch her! I didn't touch her! I swear, Ace. You got to believe me."

Ace was holding Eyeball's head back with his blade pointed to his neck.

"Come on, Ace you are going to kill me right here?"

"No." Ace said. He looked at Chris. "Chris _is_."

Chris took out his .45 and pointed it at his brother's face.

"Chris. Please don't do this."

"Fuck you. You hurt Lennie."

"Chris. Please I'm your brother."

"No you're not. I don't have one."

Chris went to pull the trigger.

"Chris please."

He shot the gun off in the air. Charlie and Billy ran for cover.

Eyeball fell towards the ground, he was whimpering. I think he might have even pissed on himself.

Charlie and Billy came back out. Jack was sitting on the stoop shaking his head.

"I knew he wouldn't have done it."

Ace punched him in the face.

"What the hell you do that for?" Jack looked at him holding his jaw.

"I'll tell you why. Every person in town saw you with Lennie moments before she disappeared. All the cops have to do is walk to the cafe ask a few questions and they'll know. And you know who is going to have to take the rap? Me. Because I am the leader of the fucking Cobras. Can't you guys do anything right?"

"Listen." Billy tried to calm Ace down. "You don't have to take the rap for anything. It was the lady who saw us, not you. So you can't be involved. Plus Lennie knows that Eyeball didn't lay a hand on her. If she talks, she will have to tell the truth."

"And if she doesn't, well maybe I'll see you in a few years after you get out of prison because I ain't bailing none of you jerks out."


	15. A Two by Four and A Shovel

It was a few months since we hung out with Lennie again and even by then she was still a bit weak. She had a slight limp. My uncle said it was because she broke her ankle, but it should be ok in a few more weeks. One day we were all hanging out in front of her house playing cards. Lennie was sititng up on top of the slide, watching us.

"There's this dance I want to go to. I think I might." She tells me.

"Yeah. That's kind of cool." I say and then thought a moment. "Wait. Wait. The Sadie Hawkins dance?" I looked over at her.

She shrugged.

"Yeah."

"That's the dance at the school." I say.

"So?" She slid down the slide and came over to join us.

"Ace and his friends always take their girls there." I say. "You shouldn't go."

"Well I'm _going_."

Chris flashed her a look. He took the cigarette out of his mouth and handed it towards me. He got up from the ground and faced her.

"You are not going to that dance." He says.

"Why not?"

"It's stupid. You could get hurt. The fact that you got beat up by Eyeball and his friends a month ago. The fact that you are going by yourself." He explained.

"You all know what happened, Chris. I wasn't beat up. It was an accident. And who said I was going by myself?"

"Yeah well whose gonna take you?"

"I have a few that asked me already."

"Like who?" Chris asked.

She didn't say anything else. She just stood there with her hands in the pockets of her overall shorts.

"They asked you?" Teddy looks over at her now. "Aren't you are supposed to ask them to the dance?"

"Who did you ask, _Len_?" Chris asked again.

"I'm not telling you nothing." Lennie sat in her swing.

Teddy laughed.

"A girl probably asked her thinking she was a guy."

Lennie shot him a look.

"You're one to talk four eyes. I don't see any girls lined up to ask you to the dance."

"Yeah well, I have better things to do than to go to a dance with some girl just to prove she can get a date."

"And you won't tell us who you asked because you didn't." Chris said. Lennie made a face at him and rolled her eyes.

"Len if you really want to go, I'd take you as long as there is food there and it's free." Vern says trying to be nice. Lennie sighed. She really didn't want to retort to taking Vern to any dance. It was bad enough that any of us guys had to be seen with him in public.

"Any date you do get is gonna wimp out when Ace's friends come to bother you again." I tell her.

"Well I'll be the judge of that." She tells me.

"Len, If you go there. I swear the god I will…" Chris said getting up in her face.

"What… you swear you will what?" She egged him on.

"I'll make you look worse than the day we found you in the shed." He said trying to be tough.

Len leapt off her swing.

"Fuck you." She says. She turns away and runs back into the house.

"_Jesus_." Chris mutters under his breath.

I stood up.

"Chris. I know you are concerned about my cousin and all but please don't be so hard on her."

"I'm sorry Gordie."

He takes his cigarette back from me.

"It's alright."

"If you are so concerned about her being hurt again, than why don't you take her to the dance?" Teddy asked him.

Chris looked at Teddy in silence. He turned away.

"Because I don't like dances. They're stupid." He sat back down and started dealing the cards.

Ace came out now.

"Hey guys."

"What do you want?" Chris asked him.

"I understand completely how you feel about this whole situation with the dance but there is no need to worry about Lennie."

"What do you mean?" He asks.

"I'm taking Lennie to the dance."

"But don't you have a girlfriend?" I ask him.

"Yes. And she is going. Len is coming with us. I explained everything to Katz, he's fine with it."

"Oh." Gordie says.

"My friends are not going to bother her while I am there. And if they say anything I'll just knock them out."

"Ok." Gordie says.

Chris at first didn't seem like he was alright with the idea but then he just went along with it. I mean what else was he going to do, argue with Lennie about going to the dance? She was a girl and girls did these types of things. Aunt Louise would have wanted her to go.

The day of the dance, Lennie had on a pink dress with diamond like studs all on the gown. Her hair was curly and lay perfectly on her shoulders and down her back, like a perfect greek goddess. Her eyes flashed like a child's. Her emaciated height was staggering. Dotted with freckles, her face was statuesque, with prominent cheekbones. It wasn't the Lennie we knew with the gum ball or two in the back pocket of her overalls or the Lennie we knew that could fist fight Teddy any time or day or the Lennie we knew that always wore her hair pulled back in grease. This Lennie really looked beautiful.

"Wow." Vern says.

Teddy dropped his cigarette.

I smiled.

Chris looked at her for short periods of time but whenever she glanced over at us he lowered his head downward and kicked some rocks around.

She rushed past looking a little nervous. Ace helped his girlfriend down the stairs. There was a limo waiting out front.

"Have fun and don't come back too late." Her stepmom yelled from the doorway.

"Don't worry mom, I have everything under control." Ace tells her.

Lennie came over by us.

Chris stood there with his arms folded over his chest. He was unusually quiet.

"She did my hair."

"It looks cool." Vern says.

I agreed.

"I'd ask you to arm wrestle with me but I wouldn't want to get your dress dirty." Teddy joked.

"Hey Chris." She said. "Are you ok?"

"I'm alright." He says. "Go have fun and stay out of trouble."

"I will. I promise."

"See you guys later." She ran towards the limo. Ace opened the door for her.

"If he is less than a gentleman to her." I start.

Chris looked at me and nodded.

"I got a two by four and a shovel." He added.

"I doubt he'll be _missed_." Teddy adds.

Vern sighs.

"Damn I could have been her date. I bet they got so much food there."

We were all gonna go to Teddy's to sleep over but Chris said that he was gonna go to the dance.

"But you don't have a ticket or a date." I say.

"I don't need one. I'm not going in. The dance isn't in a place. It's outside in a picnic. I could see everything from this certain tree that overlooks the whole area and if anything funny goes on I'll be there."

"Yeah that's a good idea." I say.

"You want us to come for back up?" Vern asked him.

Usually Chris would say yes but this time he said he thought he wanted to do this by himself. We didn't argue with him.


	16. Dancing Under the Moonlight

Chris was in the tree for most of the night. It was a beautiful night, not one cloud in the sky. The sky was lit up with a million stars. Chris sometimes sat in his tree behind his house, to get away from his father when he started drinking. He would just sit there and thinking about all the million, galaxies and planets out in the universe that we may never ever find, but he wondered how maybe somewhere far, far away there was a kid just like him, or maybe not just quite like him, it could have been like an insect that wears a hat and blue jeans. But all he knew was that he would have liked to meet him and just say, "Hey."

If it wasn't for the music or the bright lights or the few thirty people all bunched up looking like idiots that was getting his attention he would have been content to just sit here and look out at the sky. But he had to pay close, close attention to everything from where he was without giving his hide out away.

He watched as Ace, his girl friend Sheryl, and Lennie got out of the car. He opened the door for both of them. That was Good. 1 brownie point. If he didn't, Chris would have to jump down and punch him in the balls.

They walked arm to arm to the picnic area and sat down at an assigned table. It was a bit boring sitting in the tree watching them as they sat there for an hour talking, eating and talking some more. If it wasn't for the fact that he noticed how his brother Eyeball, Billy Tessio and Charlie Hogan were gawking the whole night at Lennie, he would have decided to call it a night. But perhaps he was only imagining things from where he was sitting.

The food looked pretty good and it smelled good too. His stomach was growling as he sat there in the tree. He realized that he didn't eat dinner. He just waited till it was dark and then headed out to the dance by himself. It was stupid to not get a bite to eat. At the time he couldn't think of food at all. It wasn't even an option.

Thank god the music was loud, because his stomach would have given him away.

Eyeball was standing by Charlie and Billy. He helped himself to some punch and then turned back toward the wall. Neither of them had any dates. So they just sat there looking like wallflowers with nothing else to do. What a stupid way to spend an evening. I much rather spend a night out fishing with the guys then to go to any stupid dance, but if I am going to go, I would have a date.

But Eyeball is a lot older than Chris, Teddy and I and his way of thinking is on a different level.

He's been with a lot of girls. Most of the guys he knew had their share of girlfriends and been around the block a few times.

Jack Mudgett complained about some girl he was seeing over a month and that she only let him feel up her tits. Ace said it was because she was a catholic and most of them were like that. If he wanted to get laid he was better off getting a Jewish girl, or a protestant. So Eyeball like the rest of the hoods was out for one thing and one thing only.

"Hey, who's that girl?" Eyeball tapped Charlie on the shoulder. "I never saw her before."

"I don't know." Charlie says.

"Go over and talk to her will you?" He tells Billy.

"Are you serious?" Billy looked at him.

"Yeah."

"What do you want me to say to her?" Billy asked.

"Tell her she's got a nice rack." Charlie jokes.

"Just tell her hi." Eyeball says.

"Why can't you tell her yourself?"

"Because I'm drinking my punch. Just go."

"Fine."

He started to walk away.

"God he's getting worse than Ace. Thinks he's the boss or something and that he is too good to even go and talk to his own girls."

"Well…" Jack says. "The worse thing that could happen, is that she says no. Then Eyeball knocks you out."

"Yeah ok."

"Hey… um. My friend wanted me to say hi to you."

Ace wasn't sitting at the table at this point. He had gotten up and was standing with a bunch of guys from school, mingling with them. Sheryl was sitting across from Lennie. Lennie looked over to where he was pointing. She kept her cool and smiled at him and said.

"Does your friend have trouble with his legs or is he just mute?"

Jack cracked up.

"Um." Billy scratches his head. "Sorry for bothering you."

They leave.

"Hey." Sheryl tells Lennie. "Lets get some more food."

"Alright."

They get up and walk over to the salad bar.

"So what did she say?" Eyeball asks.

"She said no." Charlie told him.

"No? No? What do you mean _No_? What the hell did you say to her?"

They both shrug.

"God I can't depend on anyone around here." Eyeball starts to fix his hair. He glances at Jack and Billy. "How do I look?"

"Like a jackass that is going to be rejected. Again." Jack tells him.

"Hey but maybe he likes the sound of rejection." Vince laughs.

"Fuck you, shit for brains. You are about to see a pro at work."

He leaves them.

Eyeball finally comes up to Lennie and Ace's girlfriend while they get food.

"Well, well. What do we have here?"

"Instant and total rejection." Lennie finishes his thought.

"_Damn."_ Eyeball still follows her. "Aww come on. You could at least tell me your name."

"It's Lenore."

"Nice. Nice. So you want to dance later? I'm a good dancer."

"Nope."

"Come on Missy. Let me make all your dreams come _true_."

"Sorry kid. But I think my dreams are too expensive." She leaves him in shame.

"Great going." Eyeball fixes his hair again and nonchantly walks back to his friends who pick on him for the rest of the night.

Chris finally climbs down from the tree and starts to head over to the party now. He headed over toward his brother and his crowd.

"So are you enjoying yourself?"

Eyeball looks down at his little brother.

"Chris, what are you doing here?"

"Nice outfit twerp—"Charlie mocks him. "Don't you own anything else besides a white shirt?"

"Maybe I do. Maybe I don't. What's it to you?"

"Just go home before you get yourself in more trouble." Eyeball says. "I didn't come to no dance to babysit your ass."

"I'm not staying long, don't have a hissy fit. I just need to relay an important message."

"Yeah like what?" Eyeball rolls his sleeves up.

"You see that girl over there?" Chris points to Lennie.

"Yeah, what about her?"

"Do you like what you _see_?" Chris asked him.

"He did until she blew him off." Billy and Jack both laugh. "_Twice_."

"Well she obviously has good sense." Chris says chuckling to himself.

"What is this all about?" Eyeball asked.

"Well if I see you talking to her or any of you guys _talking_ to her again, I'll ripp your goddam throats out."

"Is that a threat?" Tessio asked stepping up.

"Maybe."

"You shouldn't waste your time on empty threats, they'll just get you in more trouble."

"There not empty." Chris told him. "And I think I could hold my own considering me and my boys kicked the living shit out of all of you a few months ago."

"Yeah with Ace's help." Charlie told him. "If it wasn't for him holding us back, all of you would have been romp roasted."

"Yeah. Ok." Chris said.

"Go home dick wad." Eyeball tells him now.

Ace saw Chris with the guys and headed over towards them.

"Hey what's the problem here?" He asked.

"I saw Eyeball hitting on Lennie. I thought you said you were gonna make sure to keep them apart." Chris told him.

"I know what I said Chambers and I am keeping my word." Ace told him.

"What the hell is going on?" Eyeball asks.

"What's going on is that girl is the same one you and your friends nearly killed 2 months ago."

"That's her?"

"Yeah."

"Shit she recovered pretty fast." Charlie said.

"Its no joke." Ace tells him.

"I aint joking." Charlie says. "I'm glad she's ok."

"And You better be glad that she isn't going to the police either, so if you got half a brain you'd stay away from her."

"But…" Charlie started. "But. I was telling the truth about Eyeball…"

"I know. I know. Eyeball didn't lay a finger on her… and all of that. She confessed to me what happened. But it still didn't give him a right to confront her about the hat in the first place. You should have went to me first."

"Listen. I didn't mean any disrespect, seriously Ace. It won't happen again. I promise." Eyeball promises. He looks at Chris now. "And _you_. You better wise up, bro. You think you can waltz in here without a date or ticket and threaten my friends? Ace isn't going to be here to back you up all the time."

"I don't need Ace. I never did."

"If the principal wasn't here, I'd total you." Eyeball makes a fist.

"Give it your best shot."

"Wait till we get home, smart ass."

Chris went to say something else but Ace pushed him away.

"It's done Chambers."Ace tells him now. "Go home now."

Chirs flips them all off when he walks away and stops to watch Lennie now dancing with Buddy Calhoun. He walks over to him and pushes him away.

"Hey, get away from her."

"Excuse me?" Buddy asks.

"You heard what I said." Chris tells him.

"Chris, what are you doing here?" Lennie looks surprised.

"I don't know what your problem is kid—but I believe I was in the middle of a dance." Buddy and Lennie turn away.

"Dude, did you hear what I said? GET AWAY from her her!" He pushes him again. Buddy pushes Chris out of the way.

"Get out of here, twerp!"

"Chris knock it off." Lennie tells him. Chris looked at her for a second. _"Stop."_ Buddy pushes Chris again. He fell down onto his back.

"Go home and play with your doll collection." Buddy laughs. "Maybe you can bring one of them as your dates."

Chris jumped up, finally having enough--lunges towards Buddy punching him square in the face. Buddy flies onto a table, breaking it in half and falling on a tray of desserts.

"That's great Chris. Just great." Lennie runs off. Chris runs after her.

"Lennie?" Chris called after her. He finally reached her. "Lennie, are you alright?"

"Why don't you have the whole gang here dressed up as indians and trash the place?"

"Now that would have been a good idea." Chris laughs.

Lennnie started to cry.

"Lennie, I'm sorry. Don't cry. Please. You know I hate seeing any girl cry."

"Yeah well you don't see me as a girl anyway."

"That's not true. I see you just as any other girl."

"No you see me as a tom boy—and tom boys don't get dressed up for dances or have dates or do anything. Teddy thinks I'm too ugly to get a date anyway."

"Teddy has never had a girlfriend." Chris told her.

"Neither have you."

"Teddy makes fun of you probably because he likes you."

"And you make fun of me because…?"

"I'm your friend, Lennie. I have to look out for you." Chris tells her.

"Well you didn't have to go to kill my date." She tells him.

"I didn't kill him. He's fine. And besides you said you didn't have a date."

"What does it matter now anyway? I probably won't ever see him again."

"Come on Lennie. I'll walk you back to the party." Chris offered.

"I want to go home."

"Lennie. Don't go home early on the account of me." Chris tells her.

"I'm too embarassed to face anyone now."

"Lennie, I'm really sorry. How many times do I have to say _it_?"

"Why did you do it? Buddy has nothing to do with what Eyeball did to me."

"I--I--don't know. I guess I was just acting on big brother instinct."

"I want to go home." She says again.

"I'll walk you home then." Chris says.

"I can't walk all the way in these shoes. If you want to be a friend, tell Ace to just drive me home now."

Chris looks down at the ground and walks back to the dance watching as Lennie stood up against the wall with her arms folded across her chest barely giving him a glance back.

"_Boy, I really screwed up big time."_ Chris mutters.


	17. Boys of Summer

_"Nobody on the road, Nobody on the beach  
I feel it in the air ~the summer's out of reach  
Emtpy streets, the sun goes down alone  
I'm driving by your house, though I know you're not home  
I can see you...  
Your bare skin shining in the sun  
You've got your hair pulled back  
And the sunglasses on baby  
And I can tell you my love for you still be strong  
After the boys of summer have gone."_

-Boys of Summer (The Ataris cover)

* * *

We all sat around while Chris was dealing out the cards in the tree house. "Vern you _in_?" He looked to his left. Vern scratched the top of his head.

"Yeah. I guess."

"Gordie?"

"Yeah I'll play."

"What about you Teddy?" Chris asked.

"I'm in. There is nothing else to do." Teddy says liting a cigarette.

"Where's Lennie?" Vern asked.

"Where do you think?"

"I thought she was going to meet us here."

"She's With Buddy again." I tell him.

"Oh is that her "_boyfriend_," now?" Teddy asked making kissing noises.

"No, they just hang out. Well that's what she says." Gordie says.

"What do you mean?" Chris asked.

"Girls lie about that type of thing all the time. Lennie isn't allowed to date. So she probably told my uncle that she was at study with a group of girls."

"I think it's kind of cool." Vern says.

"What is?" Teddy asked.

"The fact that Lennie is being noticed."

"Yeah by the wrong types of guys." Gordie says.

"So where is this party at?" Chris asks.

"At Charlie Hogan's house."

"Oh really? My brother said it was make out party." Vern added. "Bad things happen there, sincerely. I heard a story about a girl that go so wasted, she didn't know what she was doing and a bunch of guys took advantage of her."

I look at Chris.

"Are you done dealing?"

He took the cards and flung them. He got up and walked out of the tree house.

"Chris where are you going?"

We really didn't know where Chris was going, but neither one of us had the nerve to ask him. We just followed. When he stopped we were standing in front of Charlie Hogan's house. We could hear the music blasting and we could see right in his window. There were a bunch of girls drinking and dancing. Lennie was sitting on a couch with Buddy. He had his arm around her.

Chris opened the fence and went to go to the window.

"Chris, I don't know if this is a good idea." Vern says.

We all follow and hid under the window, just enough so we could see and hear bits and pieces of conversations.

"What are we going to do? Crash it?" I ask. "We aren't prepared for that. And this isn't like Lennie's slumber party."

"Shh, Gordie. I'm listening."

"_Hey do you want to go upstairs to the guest room?" _Buddy asked.

"_For what?"_ Lennie looked at him.

"_We can hang out up there. It'll be quiet. Maybe we can watch a movie or something."_

"_Oh I dunno."_ Lennie says.

"_Come on."_ Buddy brushes some hair out of her eyes. _"It will only be for a little while. The noise is getting to me."_

"_Alright, I guess." _

They both stood up and walked up the stairs. Chris walked to the door and was about to open it.

"Chris….are you _crazy_?" Teddy asked. "They'll kick your ass."

"Are you coming with me?" He looked over his shoulder at Vern and I.

"I don't know." I say.

"Well, I am going whether you follow or not."

Chris walked in.

I look at Teddy and Vern. I shrug and walk in. Teddy walks in.

"Guys, come on. What are we doing?" Vern looked nervous as he followed us inside.

Everyone was so drunk, they didn't even notice that we walked in and walked up the stairs. Chris opened the door just so much, we could see the whole interior of the room. Buddy had put the television on. It was playing a rerun of the Honeymooners.

_**Alice**__: What am I supposed to tell my mother when you're not here?  
__**Ralph**__: I don't care. Tell her I ran off and joined the circus.  
__**Alice**__: What as, an elephant?  
_

"I love this show." Vern says. "Especially at the part where Alice said he looked like an elephant and should join the circus. Really funny."

Teddy gave him a look.

"You know what would be even funnier? If you went and joined _with_ him."

"Be quiet." Chris tells both of them.

We could see Lennie was sitting on the bed. Buddy came over and sat next to her. They were both laughing at the show. He placed his hand on her thigh and started to move it up her skirt.

"Buddy. Don't. I want to watch the show." Buddy put his hand on her shoulder and started to rub her arms. "Buddy, stop that." He then pulled her towards him and tried to kiss her. Chris flung the door open.

"Who the hell is that?" Buddy stood up.

Chris punched Buddy in the jaw.

"Chris, what are you doing?" Lennie yelled at him. Chris grabbed Buddy again and swung at him. "Chris, no! You'll hurt him! No! No! Stop it! Leave him alone!" Lennie manages to haul Chris away from Buddy. "Get away from him!"

Buddy takes his hands away from his face and feels at his bloody nose. Lennie tries to help him up.

"Lennie, get the hell away from him!" Chris grabs her arm and pulls her away. She pushes Chris and runs down the stairs. Lennie was out of the yard with Chris running after her.

"Lennie!" Chris yelled after her. "Lennie!"

"Chris, you are _crazy_."

"Buddy was drunk and he could have hurt you."

"I could have handled the situation just fine without you coming to my rescue."

"Yeah… well it looked like you couldn't handle that much with his tongue in your mouth." Chris said.

Teddy, Vern and I were standing near them now.

"What do you think your father is going to say when he finds out that you were at Charlie Hogan's party?" I ask now.

"Oh, Gordie, you are in on this too?"

"No, I just don't think it's right to lie about where you are going."

"Well you better not tell him about this. I won't talk to you ever again." She tells me.

"I won't, as long as you promise not to see him again." I tell her.

"So basically, I need all of your stamps of approval over whoever I date?"

"You are _not_ seeing him again." Chris tells her.

"Chris, butt out of this." She tells him. "You did enough damage to my reputation, already."

"So you want to have a reputation of being a _whore_?" He asks.

"Chris, that is a low blow." She tells him.

"Lennie, listen--Buddy could have taken advantage of you. He has done it before to other _girls_." Teddy explains.

"Jesus, why don't you guys just all get out of my life for _good_?"

She leaves.

A week past; Chris and Lennie weren't talking. She stopped coming over to see me after school or hang out at the tree house. She even wouldn't look at Vern when he said hi to her in the hallway.

"This stinks." Vern said. "I didn't even say anything to her. Why is she mad at me?"

"It's because of association. You hang out with us; she assumes you think like us." I tell him.

"Well, I am with you guys. I don't like Buddy either. I don't think he is right for her."

"None of those guys are. They are just interested in one thing. And she's not ready for that." I say.

"Do you think she is still a virgin?" Teddy asked.

"I don't know. It's not something I want to think or talk about. She is my cousin."

"Well, I guess I owe her some sort of an apology for calling her "_a whore_." Chris said.

"You didn't say she was a whore; you said if she hangs out with Buddy she could turn into _a whore_." Teddy says.

"Still." Chris then thought a moment. "Hey, guys there is this fair on Saturday. They have this pie eating contest. I was gonna see if Lennie wanted to chill there too. I can talk to her there." Chris says.

"What if Lennie doesn't want to go?" Vern asks.

"Well if she doesn't, she doesn't. If she can't accept my apology then that's her problem. At least I'll understand the level of our friendship and the maturity that's there. You up for it?"

"Yeah." Teddy says.

"I guess I am too." Vern shrugs. "Although watching a pie eating contest isn't nearly as fun as being in one."

Chris asked if I wanted to go as well, but I said I couldn't, because I had a doctors appointment in the morning. I hoped all worked out for Chris, although I had a notion that it wasn't going to turn out as good as Chris anticipated.

"Chris and Vern are outside." Lennie's step mom says.

"Oh." Lennie says. She comes out onto the porch. "Hi."

"Hey." Chris says. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing much, just reading."

"Vern and I are going to meet up with Teddy at this pie eating contest by the river bend. You want to come along? It's a really nice day out."

"Sure."

They walk down the path. Lennie was in her overalls and had her hair slightly pulled back. For a moment she looked like the old Lennie, except she had wore a little more make up. The walk there was really nice.

"Hey," Chris turns to Lennie. "I want to apologize for what happened."

"Don't worry about it."

"Alright." He says. "So you accept my apology then?"

"Well you have to grow up sometime. Holding grudges are childish and stupid. And when you hang out with children, you start to act like them."

Chris stopped and faced her.

"What's that supposed to _mean_?"

Lennie just looked at him and then looked at the ground. Vern stopped and looked over.

"Are you guys _coming_?"

"In a minute. I need to talk to Lennie for a second."

"Chris come on. We are going to miss the pie eating contest." Vern whines.

"So what Lardass? It's not like you are going to be eating any. Besides, Teddy is there. You can keep him company."

"I don't want to go there myself; he's going to give me two for _flinching_."

"I'm about to give you two if you don't go." He raises his fist in the air.

"Fine."

Chris watched as Vern walked off and disappeared around the bend. He turned back towards her.

"Lennie listen to me. I always stood up for you when Teddy gave you shit or whenever Ace and his goons bothered you. Now you are forcing me to be the bully." He pointed a finger at her. "I am going to tell you the same thing I told Gordie last summer. It's asshole to let your friends drag you down. It's also asshole to make new friends and forget all about your old ones. So don't do it. You'll end up just becoming some no brainer like me or some stupid tramp who is gonna get knocked up by the first jerk that notices her. You know why I don't date or go to dances? Because all of the girls are airheads. I don't want to see you turn into one."

"Chris, this isn't true at all. I am not going to move away or make new friends and forget about you guys. I am not going to become some fluzy who is going to jump on the first guy that notices her. I didn't do it to Buddy and I am not going to do it with someone else."

"Lennie, I don't want guys to take advantage of you."

"All my life I've had people worry about me or that I would be hurt. Why can't they just let me decide my own life for once? The more people make me feel I will be taken advantage of, the less I want to attempt to have a life."

"That is not _true_."

"Chris, you have no idea what it is like to be me. You have no idea what pressure Ace's family has put on me ever since my father married his mother. Try living with them for a day. All they do is complain that I want to write or read or hang out with you guys. I am not normal. I don't do normal girl things."

"Damnit. Did somebody give you, "I'm not going to listen or agree with anything Chris says to me, "_pills_," last night? Don't you understand me, Lennie? They don't care about you. And you are obviously too fucked up to realize this."

"Fine I am fucked up. If that's what you want me to say. But it's my life, Chris. _My_ life. So why do you care so much with what I do with it?"

"Why?? Whyyyy??? Chris face turned beat red. Lennie was sure that he wanted to take a swing at her. She wasn't a virgin to boy fights. She had gotten into plenty with Teddy when they hadn't seen eye to eye, or even with me. But never Chris. She was always so afraid to over step that threshold. But Chris swore he would never lay a hand on Lennie as long as he lived. He would never hurt her. She backed up from him ready to put her arms up to block the punch or slap that she was just about to receive. But when Chris grabbed her arms and lifted her up to his face, she didn't dare to pull away. It seemed like an eternity of standing there under the florescent rays of the sun, which soaked into their skin. Chris's mouth moved feverishly over hers—his tongue pushing down into her throat. Like a magnet, it pulled their bodies together. But then suddenly something tore them apart. Both their hearts were pounding really hard in their chests. It felt like neither one could take a breath.

The silence between them was really awkward. Before either one of them could say anything or make sense of what just happened, Lennie's eyes start to fill up with water. She didn't want to let Chris see that she was crying, so she ran toward the contest. Chris ran behind her, but didn't yell out her name.

"Hey, Lennie. Where have you guys been?" Teddy asked when she approached him. "You missed the best part!" She didn't say a word and just ran off.

"Where is she _going_?" Vern asked.

Chris sat next to them.

"Hey, Chris… is Lennie alright?" Vern asks.

"I—I—I—don't know." He sort of stuttered.

"Did you give her a good sucker punch to the face or something?" Teddy laughed.

"Uh. I gotta go." Chris stood up.

"Hey I was only joking."

"I know. I know. I'm sorry. There is just something that I gotta take care of."

"God all this pie watching is making me really hungry." Vern says.

Teddy punches him in the arm.

"Two for corpulence."

"Dang it."


	18. Unopened Letter to the World

_"Am I not good enough for the world?  
Am I destined only to die the same way that I lived...  
in seclusion?_

_From high up on this mountain I can almost see  
your lonely windowsill. They'll carry you off tonight.  
There's a ghost in your old bedroom  
And a candle burning bright._

_If I died tomorrow  
Would this song live on forever?"_

The Ataris, Unopened Letter to the World

* * *

As far as I could remember, there was only 1 incident of Chris really crying in front of me. The first time was last summer while we were sitting out in the woods. He told me about the milk money and how he felt that everyone looked down on him for the way his family was. But the incident was completely understandable. Me, on the other hand never seemed to fail to pour out my emotions in the most trivial times. I felt I could cry over anything when it came down to it. Chris was the one who was always giving me his shoulder or knew just the right thing to say to make me feel better. Maybe this was the reason Chris wanted me to tell the stories or write them down, because even though he was experiencing everything right there with me—he just didn't have the time or the patience or the ability to find the right words to tell it just right. Writing to me is the attempt to express what cannot be expressed, and perhaps that is why the guys counted on me so much to tell them.

"Chris, can I talk with you?" I ask walking into his front yard.

He was sitting out by his stoop by himself.

"Yeah sure."

I look at him sincerely.

"I need to ask you a question and you have to be really honest with me when I ask it."

"Ok shoot."

I sat next to him.

"Do you like Lennie?"

Chris sort of smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't like Lennie." He says.

"Oh." I say feeling a bit relieved but also confused at the same time. "I guess that's good—I mean I really thought something weird was going on, but that's just me."

Chris looked at me. He wasn't finished saying what he had to say.

"Gordie. No." He put his hand on my shoulder. "I meant that I love her."

I look at him; I was too speechless for words.

"_Chris_…"

He started to wipe his eyes. He was actually crying. I thought I was going to start crying myself. I hated seeing my best friend cry or in pain over anything. But this was the first time Chris ever mentioned a girl that he liked. I think this was the first time we spoke about a girl we knew period. This was different not just because he he said "love," and I didn't think it was a word that any of us could really understand now at least; this was Lennie.

"Chris maybe you just like her a lot."

"I don't know man. I've liked girls before. I just never told any of the guys about it or I felt shy to talk to them and stuff like that."

"You _shy?_ That's hard to believe."

"I'm only a kid like you Gordie. And none of those girls in school talk to me because of Eyeball and my family. Lennie is like the only girl that I am close with, besides my mom. And she sees past all of that bullshit with my family. She doesn't judge me. At first I thought that it was just the territory of being a big brother; I was always looking out for her so I cared for her in that way. And I know if anything bad happened or if anyone hurt her I'd feel like I could flip out—kind of like how Teddy flipped out when that guy back at the junk yard called his father a loon."

"When did you realize the feelings were different?"

"When I saw her getting ready for the dance and I saw how beautiful she looked. And I came to the conclusion that if I was ever going to fall in love with anyone it would be with a girl that knew me better than I knew myself. Feelings like this don't just come out of nowhere." Chris took a deep breath. "I'm sorry if I am making you sick to your stomach."

"You can tell me anything, Chris. You know that."

"I know." He looked at me. "Has Lennie ever talked to you about me?"

"Well the few times when she was upset over how you were acting towards her—she said she thought that you hated her."

"That's great."

"I mean we all thought you've been acting weird with her lately, but we thought it was because of the whole situation when she got hurt and I mean she does listen to you more than any of us."

"Do you think she'd ever like someone like me?" He asked.

"I can't speak for Lennie, Chris, but I personally don't see anything wrong with you."

"Yeah well the whole town sees something wrong with me. Your father hates that you hang out with me and I am sure Lennie's father doesn't want us to be friends and he definitely doesn't want us to be dating."

"You shouldn't let what those people think stop you from doing anything."

"I understand that Gordie. But when you are up against adults, things really aren't that simple of just telling them to piss off."

"Should I say something to Lennie for you?"

"No. That would be too embarrassing. If she can't realize the reasons I have been acting the way I do is, because that I care about her, then she is never going to realize."

"I think she realizes, Chris. She told me about what happened at the pie eating contest."

"Oh." He looked down and put his hand over his eyes like he was going to cry again.

"Chris, are you _alright_?" I ask.

"I dunno. I suddenly feel really sick. I think I should just go to bed."

It was late when Lennie walked over to Chris's house that very night. Chris was out in the front poking a fire that he had made, when he looked up and saw her. She was wiping tears from the corner of her eyes with a handkerchief. He put his stick down and run up to her.

"Len… are you ok?"

"I guess."

"Did something happen? Did Buddy hurt your or Ace? I'll kill them if they did, pinky swear." He put his pinky up and kissed it.

"I know you would." She sort of laughs. "If you're not too busy would you like to talk?"

"Sure."

They walked over to the fire that he had started. She tucked her arms under her knees and smiled at him. They talked about trivial things at first just to warm up the conversation until finally she said.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you Chris."

"You didn't. I've been acting like a screw ball to you lately and making an ass out of myself. I wasn't being completely honest to you about my feelings. I like you Lennie. I really, really like you. And I want to be your knight in shining armor, but I have to realize that there are other knights waiting in line that may be a head of me too and I have to get used to that."

"There are other knights in the world, that's true. But there is only one Chris."

"Ok." He bit his lower lip. "I want to ask you something other than I want to be your boyfriend."

"What?"

"When I kissed you was it terrible?"

"Well it was a lot better than getting punched in the face."

"Oh." He seemed a bit nervous.

"It felt more like an amazing punch to the face."

Chirs blushed and looked down at the ground. Lennie turned his face towards her and kissed him first this time.


	19. Growing up

A week later we watched scary movies in my room. Lennie brought a bunch of candy she got at the market. Vern was ecstatic of course. Lennie and Chris got up and left—they said they were going to have a smoke out on the porch. Vern, Teddy and I decided to go down into the kitchen 2 minutes later to get some bottles of coke from the fridge.

"Hey, maybe we should get one for Chris and Lennie when they come back." Vern says.

"Yeah that's a good idea." As I hand two more bottles to Teddy, I looked out the kitchen window, watching as Chris and Lennie flicked ashes toward the pavement.

"I wonder what her father thinks about Chris getting her into smoking." Teddy makes a comment.

"He doesn't know." I say.

Lennie and Chris were talking now—although we couldn't hear what they were saying—we could see that their body language was a bit too comfortable. Chris reached over and took off her hat, brushed a few strands of hair off from her face and then they started to kiss.

"Wow." Vern was shocked. "I didn't know they knew how to kiss like that."

"I didn't know they even liked each other." Teddy says.

"Come on guys; let's go back up to my room. I don't want them to see us staring."

I started to go up the stairs. Vern followed. Teddy was taking his time. Teddy glanced at the window again, shrugged his shoulders and walked up the stairs.

Chris came in about 10 minutes later.

"Hey guys, what's up?"

Vern looked over at me and Teddy with this big grin on his face.

"I don't know maybe you should tell us." He says to Chris.

I hand Chris a bottle of coke.

"What are you talking about, Vern?" Chris asked.

"Vern be quiet." I sit down on my bed.

"No… I want to know what it is." Chris says. "Come on spill."

"Ok, when we were downstairs we all saw you and Lennie you know…"

"What?"

"Slipping the tongue. Hahah." He laughs.

"Vern I told you not to say anything." I tell him.

"It's alright you eventually all would have found out anyways."

"How long have you liked her?" Vern asked.

"For a while."

"So are you two like going steady or something?" I asked him now.

"Yeah… if that's the technical term. We are seeing each other. Dating. That sort of thing."

Teddy got up from where he was sitting.

"Good. Maybe the two of you could get married." He walked over to my window in a rush.

"Teddy, are you alright?" Chris asked him.

"I'm fine." He says. "No actually I'm not. This whole thing with Lennie is really weird."

"How so?"

"Because it's Lennie."

"She's a girl. She's pretty and I like her."

"Ok and a month ago you told the guys at school that she should put a "bag," over her face."

"I know what I said, Teddy. But that was in the past. Can't a guy change his mind?"

"I made fun of her too so I guess I have just the right to have asked her out as you did."

"You liked Lennie too?" Vern asked.

"Shut up, Verno. I'm just making a point. Now get it _right_. I mean seriously look at me and look at Chris. You think any girl would want to date me? I'm a four eyed pile of shit. Girls are afraid of me when I pass them in the hallway. At least Lennie hung out with me and occasionally laughed at my jokes."

"Yeah maybe when they weren't on her." Chris mutters under his breath.

"Teddy no one had a clue that you were interested in her. You were always making fun of her and being annoying." I tell him.

"Well maybe that was a sign. But of course Mr. Chris Chambers has to waltz in here as the "knight in shining armor," like he is and steals her away."

"Teddy I'm sorry but you just didn't act fast enough." He tells him.

"Even if I did act fast enough, I doubt that she'd accept me anyway. You don't ever have to worry about that, do you? Chris Chambers can get _anyone_."

"Teddy, maybe I don't want just "anyone." He tells him.

"Yeah well that's too bad."

Teddy started to wipe his eyes. He really was crying. He walked out of my room just as Lennie came walking in.

"Did I miss something?" She asked.

It was at least a week before Teddy and Chris started talking again.

I was sitting in front of my desk again—an adult now thinking about the situation. "_You think Teddy really liked Lennie all that much?" _I ask Chris who was playing a video game now in the corner of my room.

"_I really don't know if he liked Lennie like how I liked Lennie or whether he was just jealous, because I was seeing someone. I don't think we'd ever really know, not now at least."_

"_I guess you're right."_

"_This thing is pretty awesome." _He said._ "What is it again?"_

"_It's a called a video game. It's my sons."_

"_What's it called?"_

"_Super Mario Brothers."_

"_Ah I man I keep getting eaten by that plant thing that comes out of the pipe or that hit by that weird mushroom looking dude."_

"_You have to jump over the plant thing and you have to jump onto the mushroom dude."_

"_Oh."_ Chris says._ "Good thing we didn't have things like this when we were growing up, I'd never leave my room. __How much does your son play it?"_

"_Too much. I encourage him to go out as much as I can."_

"_Does he go camping with friends?"_

"_Not as much as we did."_

Chris shut the game off and looked at me.

"_I really miss the treehouse."_ He says.

"Me too."

I realized right then and there how much different my childhood was compared to my sons. My son has a good life, don't get me wrong. He has good friends. He has good grades. He is a great kid, but he didn't have the same imagination that we did at my age. The truth is we may not have had much of anything while we were growing up… but we still experienced life and appreciated it more, I think. But things are just different now.

"_Let's take a trip there."_ Chris proposes.

"_Really?" _

"_Sure."_ He says.

"_I haven't been back there in years."_

"_Even more for us to go back."_

"_What if it's not even there anymore?"_

"_Well if it's not, the memory of it is still there no matter what."_

"_I guess."_

"_Have you ever brought you son there?"_ He asked me.

"_I want to for his 13__th__ birthday."_

"_That would be really cool."_ Chris says. _"If I had a son, I definitely would take him to our treehouse."_

"_Maybe our sons would be best friends too."_

"_I'm sure they would be."_


	20. When the night has come

Chris and I were heading out to Castle Rock, to look for the tree house and camp out like old times. I told my wife that I needed some alone time to sort out stuff with my writing. She was used to this sort of thing, me camping out for a few days by myself. Although this time I told her that I was going with a friend of mine. A pal from way back.

She didn't question who it was, just said good luck and be careful. I parked the station wagon on a rocky path not too far from where the tree house would be and just walked through town.

I went to Quidacioluo's to pick up some food for the trip. The old man still worked there. He was busy counting the cash and I didn't say hi to him. I thought maybe he wouldn't have recognized me. It has been over 10 years since I came in.

He looked up and nodded respectively.

_"I read your book."_ He tells me as he pulls it out from under the counter, waving it. _"Your brother would have been proud."_

_"Thanks."_ I seem a bit surprised.

_"It's a shame what happened to that Chambers boy. A real shame. He really made something of himself."_

_"I know."_

He asked me to sign it. I did and said thanks and left the market. It felt sort of different but good to be noticed in this small town other than to be Denny's little brother.

Chris and I walk on past the market and then went around the bend. We saw the tree house. We couldn't go in though, because it was old and rusted and hardly standing up. But it was still there.

I took a deep breath remembering so many summers that were perfect and beautiful. They were everything I hoped for and more.

Chris and I put out the tent and began to smoke Winchesters and snack on our food.

_"I've had writers block for the longest time until you popped in."_ I tell Chris.

_"Well if it helps any tell me a story of your life; if you think it's gunna be boring then maybe throw a dragon or something in there."_

_"Alright."_ I smile and take a puff of my cigarette. For a moment I closed over my eyes and remembered these times when Chris, Lennie, the guys and I would cross over this trestle a few miles past the market and just stare out far out into the horizon. Sometimes we crossed it a night, when the train was passing through underneath us and felt the wind pressing up against out faces. I closed my eyes and held tightly to the bar, dreaming that I was floating. This one time when we were standing on the trestle, Lennie makes a comment and says that every time she crossed it, the train never came. Teddy looks up and points and says, "the train is coming now." We stood there waiting and held hands, feeling the wind pressing up against our faces.

After school once Lennie went to the treehouse to wait up for Vern and I. We were still in class making up a test and Chris was stuck mopping the floor where a kid got sick.

Teddy was hanging out side smoking a cigarette.

"The guys here yet?"

"Nope." He finished his cigarette and pops in the air.

"You got an extra cigarette?"

"No. That was my last one …. But I do have this."

"What?"

Teddy grabbed a bucket that's been under the tree house for a while and tosses what ever was in it towards her.

A slug landed on her shoe. "Jesus!" She screamed and kicked it off.

"Hahahah!" Teddy laughed.

"You creep."

"Stop calling me any of your step mom's pet names."

"Great comeback. I hate my stepmom, you four eyed pile of shit."

"This pile of shit has a _thousand_ eyes." Teddy lit another cigarette and blew the smoke at her face.

"I thought it was your last one."

"I guess I lied …hahah."

She sticks out her tongue.

Teddy took another puff of his cigarette and glared at her.

"You stick your tongue out at me again and I'll bite it off." He warns.

She ignored the warning and did it again.

Teddy flings his cigarette and says, "That's it you asked for it."

He lunges towards her and puts his mouth on her tongue, but before they knew it the attack ended up turning into a kiss and Teddy wouldn't let go of her. Lennie pushed back. She wiped her mouth.

"_Teddy_."

Teddy looked shocked for a moment.

"Lennie … I'm really sorry. I didn't mean for that … I was only playing. I don't know what I was thinking. God Chris is gonna kill me..."

He started to stutter. He turned away and hid behind the treehouse.

Lennie followed him.

"Teddy are you _alright_?"

"Chris is gonna kill me. I can't believe I did that. You can't tell him. He's gonna kill me."

"Don't worry. I am not gonna say anything, I promise. Please calm down."

"You'd never like me. I am a four eyed pile of shit and a pervert."

"Teddy stop."

He looked the other way. It was a lot for Teddy to open up about liking Lennie just as much as Chris did and surprising too. But Lennie always seemed to know what to say to make situations slightly better or less awkward.

"Listen …. I do like you. I always did. If things didn't happen between Chris and I, I am sure we would…" Lennie explained.

"Would what?"

"I dunno … date, maybe."

"It's alright. I am happy for you and Chris, really. It's just that I get jealous sometimes, cause I feel like I could never have what the two of you have or meet a nice girl cause I'm such a freak. And what just happened back there probably would be my only kiss."

He wiped his eyes.

Lennie smiled at him and she took off his glasses, wiped a few loose strands of his hair from his eyes and kissed him.

"Do you know how wonderful you are?" She asked.

He shrugged.

"Not really … but thanks."

He hands her a cigarette.

One Friday afternoon Chris and Lennie walked down the hallway together and he mentioned that on spring break he wanted to go put Ray's stone down.

"Yeah that sounds like a good idea." I say.

"I'm in." Teddy says.

We looked at Vern.

He shrugged.

"Sure. If I say no, Chris will just put me in a headlock till I agree to it and I didn't get to eat frigging anything today. Charlie Hogan stole my lunch money."

We all hung out in the treehouse, we went to school, we went fishing, played cards, went to see movies … Teddy picked on Lennie like he always did, and we ignored it, and Lennie would get even more annoyed and then would end up trying to beat up Teddy, when he wouldn't stop. I don't think anything ever went beyond that … or at least not anything that Chris was aware of. Things always seemed the same other than Lennie and Chris seeing each other. As far as I know they hid it from everyone pretty well. They didn't want to be too obvious, because if Ace found out or any one of the guys, their world could be turned upside down.

Although sometimes it was weird to catch them kissing or hugging or holding hands, we were pretty used to it.

During Spring Break like Chris said, we went camping again at "The Back Harlow Rd." This time we took a cab, because it would have been too long to walk with Ray's stone. We camped the night there and then the following day walked back and crossed the infamous train dodge bridge except this time we were careful and ran across and Vern didn't not crawl.

Our parents never thought twice about us camping; it was just something we did a lot. Chris and Len would get away with this sort of thing by explaining to their folks that they are just camping out in my back yard, when in actuality they were just camping in Chris's back yard without anyone else.

This sort of thing went on for a while.

Chris put up the tent at 8 at night. Lennie snuck in the back yard with a portable radio they could listen to and an extra pair of clothes. They lay on their backs looking at the sky through the opened tent and sung along to the song Stand by Me by Ben. E King.

"_When the night has come  
And the land is dark  
And the moon is the only light we'll see  
No I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid  
Just as long as you stand, stand by me_

_And darlin', darlin', stand by me, oh now now stand by me  
Stand by me, stand by me."_

Chris held her in his arms.

"I've never been so happy." He tells her.

"Me either."

They gazed into each others eyes. Chris touched her face, caressing it softly. They kissed. He took off his shirt and held her.


	21. Takeoffs and Landings

_"__On this coldest of January nights  
We drive out past the runway _

_and watch the planes go flying by  
The runway lights are the deepest blue _

_like the colors of your eyes  
So close them tight and kiss me one last time_

_If you could go anywhere right now  
Where would you go?  
And would you miss me when you get there?  
There's no place that I would rather be  
Please don't let me go falling from the sky_

_If only you could be right here by my side  
Home wouldn't seem so far from here."_

Takeoffs and Landings (The Ataris)

* * *

Chris and Len were still sleeping, when Eyeball and Ace walked into the backyard. They were just about to walk through the back door when Eyeball saw the tent.

"Ah. It looks like the girls are camping out again." Eyeball points out. "Maybe it's time we wake them up." He walked inside and came back bearing a pitcher of ice water.

"That's mean." Ace laughs.

"I know." Eyeball peaked through the hole in the top of the tent but dropped the ice pitcher on the ground.

"Oh _shit_."

"What is it?" Ace walked over to discover Chris and Lennie's bare bodies holding each other.

"Oh boy. Oh boy, this isn't good." He ran towards his car. Eyeball chased after him.

"Hey, cock knocker ... wait up."

A few minutes later Lennie stretched her arms. The radio was still playing softly.

"_Hey, it's the Bossman, Bob Cormier here. It's a beautiful Saturday morning in Portland! It's 90 K-L-A-M degrees and gettin' hotter! Up the ladder with another platter, it's Bobby Day with "Rockin' Robin." It's BOSS!"_

She shut it off. Chris woke up and looked over at her.

"Hey, good morning."

"Good morning." She says.

She yawns.

"I'm hungry." He says. "How about you?"

"Yeah. I guess."

"Let's take a walk to the diner and get breakfast. I have some extra cash from working with my uncle. My treat."

"Alright, but my hair's probably a mess."

"You look beautiful."

"You're _sweet_." They both dressed and she pulled her hair back and walked to town. Charlie Hogan, Jack, and Billy were sitting at a booth having breakfast too when they saw Chris and Lennie walk in holding hands.

_"What's that about?"_ Charlie whispers.

"I don't know and I don't care."

"Well Ace was like freaking out about something earlier saying that it was going to kill his mother and he was tired of the little brat getting away with shit."

"It's his problem, let him deal with it. The last time I tried to put my two sense in concerning the girl I got punched in the face." Jack says.

"Yeah. I'm surprised Eyeball still wants to hang out with him after he nearly plummeted him to death." Billy remarks.

Eyeball and Ace walked into the diner now and sat at Charlie's table.

"You alright?" Charlie asks.

"Not really." Ace shrugs. He looks at the two love birds sharing a banana float.

"This makes me sick to my stomach."

Eyeball stared at Lennie for a while shaking his head disapprovingly.

"She's so fucking hot. I can't believe she wants to be with _him_. I'm way better looking and older."

"They're dating?" Billy looks over his shoulder. "For realz?"

"That's what it looks like from what we saw this morning." Eyeball says.

"Don't remind me."

"What did you see?" Charlie insists.

Eyeball whispers in his ear.

"NO SHIT!"

"Who cares what they do?" Billy says and gets up to put a song on the juke box.

"I'm gonna fuck with them." Eyeball says. Lennie got up and walked into the bathroom to freshen up. When she came back out, she was cornered by Eyeball by the window.

"Hey, princess ... where are you going?"

"Can you get out of my way please?"

"Hey … just trying to make polite conversation."

"I don't have an interest in anything you have to say."

"Aww, that's too bad. It's a shame that you don't want to give me a chance to be your friend and let bygones be bygones. I really would like that a lot." He touched her shoulder gently.

"I'm sure you would." She turns her back and contuines to ignore him. He turns to eye Chris who was paying for the food.

"I guess you and my little brother are like fucking on a regular basis now."

"_What_?" She turns back around.

"I didn't want to believe it at first, but I got a sneak peak of it this morning." He winks. "So...are you like boyfriend and girlfriend? _Lovers_? Does he slip you the hot beef _injection_?"

"Shut up."

"Aww ... come on Len, I'm only playing around. I like to joke. It's just something you gotta get used to."

"What do you _want_?"

"… What do you think I want, just a nice kiss hello from my little brother's girl.. I mean I am like family after all, right?" He made sure Chris was watching and then grabbed Lennie's jaw to kiss her in front of him. Lennie slapped Eyeball in the face. "You _prick_." Flushed with excitement Eyeball pressed Lennie against a table and a wall. "Still _feisty, eh?_" He holds her wrists. "That's what I like-a _challenge_." He leaned closer aroused by her resistance and went in for another kiss. Chris ran over and pushed him.

"I told you to stay away from her!"

Eyeball got up and egged him on. Chris grabbed a chair and went to swing it at him, but he ducked and it broke through the window.

"Hey! Hey!" The manager yelled. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" I'm calling the cops."

"Chris, let's get out of here." She tells him.

Ace got up and grabbed Lennie by the arm.

"Shows over. You're coming with me."

"_What_?"

He pulled her outside. Chris was barricaded in the diner. The cops came.

Hours later Lennie sat at the kitchen table. She couldn't even look at her father's face. Moments ago she was crying her eyes out when Ace told her that Chris had to spend a night in jail and mentioned to her father that she was dating him. Her parents felt the need to lay down the law and make necessary changes in Lennie's life.

"Your mother and I have given this a great deal of thought."

"Given what thought?"

"A middle house academy for girls in California has an excellent reputation. A proper education gains one entry in society." Lennie's step mother says.

"Middle_house_? But that's a terrible place. Everyone says so. It's like a jail."

"It's a very good school." She insists. "Girls emerge from there as fine young ladies. Well versed in etiquette and manners which you are lacking."

"I don't need to emerge into anything. I am not lacking anything. I am fine just the way I am. Dad … tell her. Tell her I am fine."

"I can't let you ruin your chances of a respectable future, Lennie." Her father tells her. "She is right."

"You are only doing this because Ace told you I've been dating Chris Chambers."

"Lennie … I'm sorry, but we have to do what's best for you." Her step-mother explains.

Ace was standing up against the wall listening to everything that was being said.

"Does he _have_ to be here?"

"I am apart of the family, Lennie. And I care about you too." Ace says.

"If you cared, then you wouldn't have done this."

"If I didn't care I would let you continue to let Chris Chambers ruin your life. Do you want to be with someone that spent a night in jail?"

"Eyeball started it and you know it."

"You lied to us. I told you from day one I didn't want you to have anything to do with this boy. Day _one_. I let the friendship thing slide. But this… can't go on." Her father interrupted.

"If I told you that Chris and I were dating you still wouldn't have let me."

"You're damn right I wouldn't."

"It's not fair … Eyeball gets away with everything. He should be the one in jail."

"This is final." Her father says. "We arranged everything. You leave in 5 days."

"I won't DO it. I don't want to go."

"There is no getting out of this."

"I am not going. And you can't make me!" She jumped up from the table.

"Lennie, please."

"I WON'T GO!!!!" She ran out of her house.

It was a shock when we got the news about Lennie being sent away. It just didn't seem real.

"Hey, I know the situation is bad Lennie ... but at least now you get to go to California." Vern tells her.

"It's not fair. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I hate how they have to take this act of interest in me. They're such assholes. Why can't they focus on their own lives?"

"It's because to them it's perfect. You're the one that has the flaws." I tell her throwing rocks into the lake.

Teddy hands her a cigarette."How is Chris handling it?" He asks me.

"He's bad ... He doesn't want to accept it. He broke the black board in class, the other day." I tell him. "And threw the eraser at the teacher."

"Oh man." Lennie sits down and hid her face in her hand. I put a hand on her shoulder and told her that everything was going to be ok. The following day Chris was sitting with Lennie on her swing. He held her so tightly. They were both crying.

"This is bad Lennie. Really bad. I can't spend another day with out you. I won't. It's fucking bullshit, what they are doing. Let's run away together."

"I really, really want to. But I can't, you can't. It would never work. It will just make the situation worse."

"You are going to be so far away."

"I know."

Chris turned his face and looked at her. His eyes were rimmed with red.

"Len...I love you more than you'll ever know." His voice cracked.

"Oh god. Chris. This is so hard."

She stood up from the swing. Chris got up and pressed his forehead up against hers.

"You promise me that you will make something of yourself. You promise me that you will make all of your dreams come true." He tells her. "Please do that for me."

"My dreams won't be filled if I don't have you to share them with."

Chris held her tight. "Lennie. I _love_ you."

She held him tighter. "I love you too."

A car pulled up in front of her house now to take her to the airport. Lennie grabbed her carry on and her suitcase and turned to look at Chris.

"It's time for me to go now."

"Will you write me?" Chris asked her.

"I'll write you everyday." She promised. She walked to the gate and waved her final and last goodbye.


	22. A Star up in the Sky

As time went on we saw less and less of Teddy and Vern, until eventually they became just two more faces in the halls. It happens sometimes. Friends come in and out of your life like busboys in a restaurant. Lennie however, continued to write letters to me and to Chris from California. She told me how much she hated Middlehouse and that she would give anything to spend a day in Castle Rock. She really missed it. Chris was saving all of his money from apprenticing with his uncle to go and visit her but Eyeball stole the money to use on alcohol and dope for The Cobras. When Lennie came to Castle Rock for The holidays, my uncle only allowed her to visit me and my father forbade me to invite Chris over when she was here. Lennie was always on strict watch. But once while she went shopping with my mother and I for last minute things, she saw Chris. There instant reaction was to hug and kiss each other. My uncle had to break them apart and drag her out of the store.

It was horrible.

The holidays kept getting more depressing each and every year. All Lennie did was cry. Eventually she just stopped coming to Castle Rock and stopped talking to her father and step mom, not that I blamed her. My uncle Bob and Alice just recently got a divorce. The papers put it as unrecognizable differences. Even though Ace Merrill stole my uncles truck and got into an accident down the road which is why my father filed for the divorce, Alice blamed Lennie for everything. Chris dated other girls and Lennie had a few other relationships, but neither one gave up on the hope that one day they would be together. Chris promised Lennie they would see each other again, although he felt that he would never get out of Castle Rock. But Chris did get out though. He enrolled in the college courses with me, and, although it was hard, he gutted it out like he always did. After that he went on to college and eventually became a lawyer. The last I heard from Lennie was about 6 months to a year. She told me that Chris was finally coming down to visit. He had enough money and Eyeball wasn't around to take it from him. I was very excited for both of them. It made me really happy to hear this. It was times like this that made stuff worth while and I always savored everything in life, even the boring moments.

When Chris saw Lennie for the first time, he couldn't hold back the tears. They were sitting outside at a coffee house and they just streamed down his face. "Chris. _Chris. _Hey. Hey. It's ok." She touched the side of his face gently. He looked down.

"I remember how our family split apart. I know you always did your best. And the hard times, they only made us stronger. Seeing you here now it all feels like a dream. I'm waiting for someone to just wake me up." He says. Lennie stood up and walked over towards him.

"Hey. It's ok." She touched his face again. "I'm here now."

"You really mean a lot to me Lennie. I know you don't believe you mean this much to me, but I promise you that you do." Chris pressed his forehead up against hers.

"I believe." She tells him.

Lennie and Chris tried to spend as much time together as they possibly could before he had to go back. He swore that they would be together, though. Nothing and no one would keep them apart this time.

"Are you home yet?" Chris called her from a pay phone.

"Almost. How was the interview at the firm?"

"It went great." Chris said. "They hired me on the spot. I start on Monday."

"Awesome, so now you can work and live in California."

"That was the plan. Hey sorry I couldn't be there. The interview went so well, my future co-workers and bosses wanted to take me out to celebrate. I had a few drinks."

"That's ok."

"I'm going to be home very soon, but I'm going to stop to get something to eat first."

"Alright."

"Also I have a surprise for you."

"Really? Ok."

"See you soon."

Chris hung up the phone and walked into the nearest restaurant. He looked down into his pocket and pulled out a black box and opened it. The diamond ring sparkled like stars in the sky. _She is gonna love this so much. I can't wait to see her face. _Just as he put the box back in his pocket, two men got into an argument ahead of him.

"Fuck you."

"I'm gonna kill you, you son of a bitch."

"I'd like to see you try."

"Hey guys. Calm down. Calm down. What are you doing? People are eating here. There's kids. If you want to fight take it outside."

One of the guys pulled a knife.

"Hey! Stop!"

Chris, who had always tried to make the best of peace tried to break the fight up, but he was stabbed in the throat.

"Someone call for an ambulance!"

Chris lay there in his blood, a waitress held him.

"Stay strong. You're gonna be fine." She tried to comfort him. He reached into his pocket and handed her a box with a note inside.

His last words before he closed over his eyes were, "Give this to _Lennie_. Tell her I love her."


	23. Looking Back on Today

Dear Len,

_Remember, nothing is impossible._

_The hardest part isn't finding what we need to be, it's being content with who we are._

_Stay who you are. I love you more then you will ever know._

Love, Chris Chambers

Camping with Chris was wonderful although it never seems like it lasts enough. We drove back for a while in silence. I knew Chris was thinking about where we left off on the story and it must have been hard for him. I just wanted to let him collect his thoughts. I didn't want to pry into what he was thinking. After a moment of silence he uttered these words.

"_I loved all of your stories, Gordie … but I hate the way this one had to end."_

"_Believe me, Chris … you're not alone there."_

I couldn't say anything else. I didn't know what to say. I had no idea what he was feeling. All I knew was how he needed me to help him remember but I think this is the part he needed the most to forget.

I saw a car parked outside. I walk up to my front door with Chris and open it. My wife was sitting on the couch drinking tea with another woman.

"_Honey, we have a visitor."_ I wiped my eyes and tried to get the mental picture in my mind. I thought maybe I was still imagining things.

"_Lennie?__"_

Lennie stood up and faced me. Although she and I still speak a lot on the phone and write back and fourth, we haven't seen each other in a long while. She had the diamond ring Chris bought for her on a chain around her neck. Her eyes were welling up with water.

"_I miss him, Gordie. I really miss him."_ I didn't need to ask who. I just hugged her.

"_I know. __How have you been?"_

"_I've been getting through it. It just gets hard sometimes."_

"_I know."_

"_Your wife told me that you've been writing again, a story about us?" _

"_Yes. I have. I've started a piece. It's going well. I've been trying to come up with a title."_

"_The Summer that Changed Everything_." Chris said. _"I like the ring to that."_

"_Hey … not bad."_I tell him.

"_What?" _Lennie asks.

"_Uh… never mind."_

"_Tell her that I said she looks beautiful."_ He says next.

"_Oh. Oh. Chris said you look beautiful."_

"_Chris_?" She raised her eyebrow.

"_Oh I meant … if Chris were here he would have told you, you looked beautiful."_

"_Thanks. Well I'm glad you are writing again. I read The Body. I really loved it."_

"_Thanks."_

"_I want you to meet somebody."_ She says.

My son, a friend and another younger boy came running up the stairs. The boy had on a white shirt and jeans and piercing blue eyes. For a moment I had to do a double take.

"_Chris_?" I ask. _"Is that you?"_

"_Chris."_ Lennie said. _"Say hi to Gordie."_

"_Hi Gordie."_

He ran laughing with my son and his friend. _"I wanna play, I wanna play."_

"_I named him after his daddy."_ She says.

"_He is …?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_I found out the day after he passed away."_

"_Oh wow."_ I couldn't believe it. _"How old is he? He looks just like him. It's…"_

"_Eerie. I know. He just turned 4. I see Chris in his eyes every day. I was meaning to come visit more and tell you about this, but things back home just got really crazy. I don't talk to my father at all. He and Alice just got divorced. I had to take care of Chris basically by myself. But it kept me going."_

"_It's ok."_ I tell her. _"I think it's wonderful. Really, really great."_ I was crying and I hug Lennie_. "I'm here for you. Me and my wife. Always."_

Little Chris ran in the kitchen now and tugged on my pants.

I look down.

"_Did you know my daddy?"_

"_Yes I did. He was my best friend."_

"_My mommy says that you and daddy were heroes."_

I pick him up.

"_Your father was a great person, Chris."_

"_Does that mean I'm gonna be great too?"_

"_You can count on that."_

I kiss him on his head and put him down.

I stood outside now with my best friend smoking Winchesters and making bulls eyes in the air. We laughed about unimportant things. Chris told me how much he still loves Lennie and how much he couldn't believe his son looked like him but things now felt finished and he was content with that.

"_So whatcha gonna do now?"_ I ask.

"_I gotta get back their sometime."_

"_Where?"_

"_Heaven."_

"_I bet it gets lonely in heaven sometimes."_

"_Nah … It's not too bad. I have Vern and Teddy to chill with."_

"_Tell em I said hi."_

"_I will." _Chris looks at me with a smile. _"Look after Lennie and my boy for me, will ya?"_

"_I will. I promise."_

"_Gimme some skin."_ Chris says.

I looked at him.

"_So…I guess I'll see you."_ I say.

Chris smiles at me—I knew this was coming—_"Not if I see you first."_


End file.
